hiatus

Hey Kids! Naalala nyo pa ba yung kwento ko about William, yung guwardya sa apartment na tinitirhan ko? Me neither!

Flashback! Ang kwento ni William, may kakambal daw sya na kapre. I know putangina right it's so fucking crazy. Tapos sabi pa nya, yung kapre daw na kakambal nya eh binibigyan sya ng mga prophecy, parang paunang warning tuwing may darating na sakuna.

At bago magresign si William sa aming apartment building, kinwento nya na ang latest pangitain daw ng kapre sa kanya ay sasabog daw ang apartment building na tinitirhan namin, sabay walk out na sya at hindi na namin nakita pang muli.

William is crazy... or so we thought.

Eto ang buong storya.

Flash Forward! More than a year matapos ang pangitain ni William na sasabog ang building namin. Kumakain ako ng guinataang langka sa favorite kong carinderia sa tapat ng apartment namin nang biglang tinanong ako ni Ateng Tindera kung gaano katagal ang contract ko sa apartment.

" Gaano katagal ang contract mo sa apartment?"

"Sa October pa po matatapos, bakit po?"

"Naku kung ako sa iyo, umalis ka na diyan, huwag mo nang tapusin ang kontrata mo."

"?"

"Kasi, lahat kaming mga magkakapitbahay dito, pumirma na ipasara yang building na yan."

"???"

"Oo dapat nang isara yan, kasi nagreklamo na yung building na nasa likod ng building ninyo."

"??????" At this point nagmo-monologue na si Ate.

"Yung building nyo kasi, tumutumba na, at yung part sa likod, sumasayad na sa kabilang building."

"!!!!!!!"

Wala namang dahilan si Ate para takutin ako, in fact suki nya nga ako eh, minsan naghihiwa pa lang sya ng pechay nya nandun na ako naghihintay ng ihahain nyang putahe. So sa tingin ko eh nagsasabi lang talaga sya ng totoo...

Pagtapos kumain at pag-uwi ko sa bahay, bigla kong naaalala yung warning ni William. Mukhang guguho nga ang building... Accurate pala yung kambal nyang kapre.

Nung isang araw, habang nakahiga ako, may naramdaman akong slight na tremor, very very slight pero natakot pa rin ako dahil mag-isa lang ako sa fifth floor. Tapos pagkatulog ko, napanaginipan ko ang aking buong pamilya at lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, as in complete attendance, nakakatakot.

So bakit "Hiatus" ang title ng post na ito? Dahil uso sa bloggers ngayon? Nope.

Kasi kapag one day ay hindi na ako nag-update ng blog, alam nyo na kung ano ang nangyari - at hindi hiatus.

my top seven torture scenes

It's no secret that I like weird stuff, and that includes weird movies. When I say weird, I don't mean M. Night Shyamalan weird. I mean really weird, like watching the movie is a weird experience in itself.

I like torture films the most.

I have a low tolerance for pain. The slightest discomfort agonizes me. All I can do is watch other people in pain, like a really fucked-up pasttime. Like a challenge, I white-knuckled torture movies, the more painful the better.

And the following are my favorites, ranked from 7 to 1.




#7 The Human Centipede (2010)
Tom Six

The Centipede Concept
There aren't any graphic scenes at all, not much gore, not much blood. But it made it to my list because its whole concept is a torture to imagine.

Maniac Dr. Heiter kidnaps three people to turn them into his lifelong dream: a human experiment involving three humans sharing a single digestive system. Katsuro, a Japanese man, gets his anus stitched into the mouth of Lindsay, a tourist, whose anus is stiched into her friend Jenny's mouth. The resulting figure resembles a centipede.

In short, each time Katsuro shits, Lindsay is forced to eat his shit, and when she shits, it goes directly into Jenny's mouth.

And through all this torment, Dr. Heiter treats them like a pet and teaches them to do some tricks, like fetch, and keeps them in a cage.

This movie is so sinister it's like a nightmare, but I'll surely watch the 2011 sequel, where the centipede will be a bit longer: twelve people.



#6 Baise-moi (2000)
Virginie Despentes and Coralie Trinh Thi

The Rape Scene
I watched this movie when I was in college. One of my friends said he bought a porn DVD and we all gathered to watch. But instead of good old porno, we got a French movie showing the most violent rape scene I have ever seen in my life, actually worse than porn.


Two girls get gang-raped, and to exact revenge in society they go on a killing spree.

If you're faint-hearted, don't watch. This movie does not care what you think. You can tell just by the title itself. "Baise-moi" means "Fuck me".



#5 Audition (1999)
Takashi Miike

The Needles Scene
Widow guy Aoyama is looking for a new wife, so with the assistance of a friend who sets up a fake audition for a non-existent film role, he is able to choose among numerous girls one auditioner, the enchanting and mysterious Asami, who turns out to be a psycho.


When Asami realizes that Aoyama is a liar, she paralyzes Aoyama, strips him and lays him on the floor, then sticks needles in the areas where she knew it would hurt the most: in his belly, under his eyes. She then cuts off his foot using a wire saw.

One distubring scene involves a naked man kept prisoner inside a sack. Asami would feed the prisoner by vomiting into a bowl and offering it to the man, who hungrily eats her vomit.

Not only does the movie have painful torture scenes, its overall feel is so creepy, so nightmare-inducive. Run a Google search of "movie torture scenes" and this one always turns up.



#4 Irréversible (2002)
Gaspar Noé

The Fire Extinguisher Scene
Marcus' girlfriend Alex gets raped and beaten by a gay man. To avenge her, Marcus searches for the rapist, a guy called The Tenia, in an underground club called The Rectum. Marcus gets in a fight with a guy he thought was The Tenia, the guy then breaks his arm. Marcus' friend Pierre defends him by smashing the guy's face with a fire extinguisher repeatedly until the guy's face was fatally crushed beyond recognition.

It's so realistic, you actually se how the face is crushed with every blow. You will never look at fire extinguishers the same way again.

This torture of a movie was met with disgust for its graphic scenes, with movie audiences walking out of the theater nauseated - the camera was shaky and most of the time, spinning for no reason. This French movie's highlight is the scene where my favorite actress Monica Bellucci is raped for nine whole minutes, without any cuts. I felt my heart crushed with every thrust, and all I can think of was Kick him in the balls and run!

Girls, don't walk through an underpass alone at night.



#3 Saw II (2005)
Darren Lynn Bousman

The Pit of Syringes
Among all of Jigsaw's famous traps, the needle pit has to be the worst. One syringe is enough to incite fear. Imagine thousands.

Amanda, a former junkie, is thrown into a shallow pit full of used syringes, to search for that one syringe with a key that will unlock the door and let all of them out of the room they were trapped in.

After the scene, I paused the movie to pee. My knees buckled on my way to the bathroom, and when I got there I couldn't pee.



#2 Ichi The Killer (2001)
Takashi Miike

The Hot Oil Scene
When Kakihara's yakuza boss goes missing, he tortures Suzuki, a member of a rival clan, to confess to the crime. Suzuki wakes up suspended on hooks pierced through his back. Kakihara then proceeds to shove sharp metal sticks through his body, and then pours boling oil all over him.

Suzuki was then proven to be innocent, and Kakihara, to show remorse and self-punishment,slices off his own tongue.

The whole movie is a torture in itself, I kept hearing myself saying "What the fuck!!!" but I sat through it, knowing that the director is Takashi Miike, who also directed Audition and the #1 movie on my list which is...



#1 Imprint (2005)
Takashi Miike

The Missing Ring Scene
Whores in a remote island whorehouse torture Komomo, a fellow whore, when she is accused of stealing the Madame's jade ring. In an effort to make her confess to the crime, the Madame orders to inflict pain but not to damage Komomo's body, as she is a business asset.

So they burn her armpits with lighted incense sticks. That was painful, and I thought that was it. I was wrong.

Komomo did not steal the ring, so she could not confess or tell them where it is even if she wanted to. So they keep torturing her. They drive long, thick sewing needles under her fingernails, one needle for each fingernail.

I thought the torture was done, I was wrong again.

They stick needles into her gums, until six needles were left sticking out of her mouth. As a finishing touch they hang her upside down by her foot.

This movie really made me sick, literally sick, like dizzy.

I watched it twice.




That's my list. If you've seen any of the movies, I hope you agree with me. If you have seen more torture movies not in the list, please tell me so I can watch it too.

Byebye Mwahchupa. Labia all!

blood pressure

Nakatuwaan naming magpakuha ng blood pressure sa office.

Ang BP ko ay 150/100.

Hindi ako natuwa. Mas mataas pa ang BP ko kay Jepoy Pikpik!!!

UPDATE: Tungkol sa previous post na sinabi kong trenta y siete na ako pagdating ng delivery, mali pala. Trenta y otso pala, kasi beinte tres na ako ngayon. OO NA KAYO NA MAGALING SA MATH! Ahihi.

prompt delivery

Last week may nag-birthday sa office at nilibre kami sa North Park. Habang kumakain, may napansin lang ako sa menu at medyo naguluhan ang pag-iisip at pagkatao ko...

Hmmm buti na lang hindi kami nagpadeliver. Trenta y siete na ako pagdating ng pagkain.

text twist

Not much to say but I love playing Text Twist. Lagi nga lang akong talo, ang hirap kasi magbuo ng words. Yung mga naisip kong words puro "not included in our dictionary".









I need a new hobby... or a life.

movie review: salt

OK Kids this is an in-depth review of the movie Salt, starring Angelina Jolie's lips.

So bale ito ang complete summary ng movie:
  • Opening scene: maganda pa rin si Angelina Jolie kahit may black eye.
  • Kailangan nyang tumakas! Pero minomonitor sya sa surveillance cameras. So tinakpan nya yung camera, gamit ang kanyang black panty.
  • Sumakay sya sa taxi, sabay higa para hindi sya makita ng mga CIA. Panay ang tingin ng taxi driver sa rear-view mirror: wala nga pala syang panty!
  • Takbo sya pauwi sa apartment nya. WALA PA RIN SYANG PANTY.
  • Si Tom Cruise dapat ang bida sa Salt. Na-rewrite ang buong movie para kay Angelina Jolie. Shit, buti na lang. Paano tatakpan ni Tom Cruise ang surveillance camera?
  • Habang tumatagal parami nang parami ang pinapatay ni Angelina Jolie, ang daming kagalit ng babaeng ito.
  • Kung laging ginagamit ang hair dye sa pagpapalit ng identity, hair dye should be illegal.
  • Nakatakas sya sa car chases, nakatawid sa makitid na ledge, nakabaril ng maraming kalaban, pero hindi sya nakatakbo nang may high heels.
  • Sabi ng friend ko na kasama kong nanood, yung dalawang lalaking nakaupo sa tabi nya ay... naghahalikan.
Can't wait for the sequel. Nakita nyo ba yung scene after the credits?
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