apple quality program

Today I’m doing a little "public service" post specifically for Macbook Pro users. To be more specific, Macbook Pro 15-inch users. To be even more specific, Macbook Pro 15-inch bought in 2011 to 2013. I’m not sure if there are many of us, and if there are, I’m also not sure if you've had the same problem/solution. First, let me tell you a story, but if you don’t have the time, just skip to the bottom of this post.

I bought this laptop in 2011 after being urged by an officemate. I’m not into gaming, not looking to do any programming, and the last Windows PC I owned gave me so much headache, so I went for the Macbook. It was great, I had no problems with it for years, I was a satisfied customer.

In 2013 I upgraded to the then-latest OS version, Maverick. Around that time, the speakers got broken or got dirty, I’m not sure, but the sound quality was just off, but it didn’t bother me. So far my Macbook was still working perfectly as a whole.

It wasn’t until 2014 when it first started showing signs of ageing. One day, the trackpad wasn’t working properly, which I promptly ignored. Then a few days after, I noticed the trackpad was already lopsided and looked like it was about to burst. A quick Google search revealed it was the battery bloating from overuse, located right under the trackpad. I immediately went to the Power Mac Center. As expected, a new battery is expensive (almost P10,000) so I decided to just have the damaged battery removed and continue using the laptop via power adapter.

For a time it went well without the battery, except for a few cons like I can’t simply bring my laptop everywhere if there’s no place for me to plug the power adapter, and also if I’m in the middle of working on something and I accidentally pulled the charger cable off, goodbye unsaved data. And the speed decreased noticeably too.

June 2016, I finally decided to buy a battery, only because I figured that the old Macbook Pro batteries might become obsolete. And here starts my series of unfortunate events, which later on yielded very fortunate results.

I went to a known and trusted repair shop in Greenhills. I’ve had experience in getting broken iPod and Samsung phone screens fixed there so I trust them, and they’re generally nice guys. I bought a new battery from them for a price a LOT cheaper than Apple's.

On top of that, I was also talked into adding more RAM (from 4GB to 10GB), and also replaced my 500GB hard drive with a 128GB Solid State Drive.

As a result, my old Macbook pro worked like new, and even more powerful than before. Adobe Premiere and Photoshop, Garageband, while playing a 1080 movie? I couldn't do that before replacing the battery. It was like giving the computer some superpowers.

And then, after a month, one day I went home and turned it on and this happened.

And this.

And this.

These screens are scarier than any horror movie.

So immediately I asked the tech guy what was wrong. He figured it must be my video card, and asked me to bring it the next day. Which I did.

And of course, in the presence of the tech guy, when I turned the Macbook on, it was working fine. I travelled against traffic for over an hour for this. We dismissed it as “sumpong” or some software issue and I went back home.

When I got home, it won’t turn on again.

Slowly losing my patience I went to the Power Mac Center the next day to have it checked. They looked at it and was able to replicate the error I was reporting. Apple guy tells me, “Sir, anong year nyo ito binili?”



What was that? Is there some issue here I should know about? “Bakit po?”

“Baka sira na ang main logic board nito Sir.”

“Main logic board, yung pinaka-motherboard?”

“Yes sir.”

“Magkano replacement nun?”

“Nasa… [my heart was pounding] ... P30,000 to P40,000.”

Okay, those figures are offensive. I’d really rather just buy a new cheaper laptop right? Nevertheless I left my Macbook there so they can run further tests.

When I got home, I consulted Google and lo and behold:

Turns out, I was not the only one. In fact, I was one of over 30,000.

So what I found out was that Apple stared a recall program of their 2011-2013 Macbook Pros because of this very error. From what I read, “the defect in the 2011 MacBook Pro comes from the lead-free solder that's used to connect one of the processing chips to the main circuit board in the computer.”

I’m guessing this “lead-free solder” was working OK until I had my RAM increased and hard drive replaced. It was working like it was on steroids, causing the laptop to heat up higher than normal and damage the solder thing, resulting in graphics issues.

A few days after I left the laptop at Power Mac they emailed me saying I was eligible for the AQP (Apple Quality Program), wherein they will replace the main logic board for free.

I signed their paperwork and after less than 2 weeks I claimed my laptop. They were nice enough to reinstall the non-Apple battery and hard drive. I’ve been testing it since and so far, so good.

What makes these series of unfortunate events work for me? Apple said on their website that the recall program was only from February to December 2016. What a tiny window of opportunity.

It’s funny how the universe worked in this case. The only reason I went to Greenhills was to buy a new battery, a trip that I kept delaying. Had I gone to Power Mac instead, they would have changed the battery and that's it, end of story. But because I went to Greenhills, I was advised to get more RAM and change the hard drive as well, just for fun. If I didn’t do this, the video display wouldn’t have fucked up. And it fucked up at the right moment, because if the graphics error happened AFTER December 2016, I would not have been eligible for the replacement.

Summary: If you purchased a Macbook Pro from February 2011 to December 2013, and you’re getting graphics errors, you’re eligible for a free main logic board replacement until December 2016. Hope this information helps you.


ma' rosa

As always, I’m gonna pretend to be a serious movie critic just to piss off readers because, you know, may time and energy ako na gawin yan. This time, ang napili kong imassacre ay ang Ma’ Rosa, I'm sure you've heard of it. Jaclyn Jose won Best Actress at the Cannes film festival for her role in it. If you haven't seen it... go see it, or not. Hind kita didiktahan sa buhay mo.

Right off the bat, I’ll say it: I love this film, this is my kind of thriller movie. Thriller talaga? All the bashing and poking fun that will follow is done out of love.

To start, I won’t tell you who should watch this movie, but I’m gonna tell you who SHOULDN’T watch this movie: mga taong anal about trivial stuff like cleanliness, neatness, tidiness, morality, etc.

If you're that type of person at pinanood mo to, consider yourself #triggered because Ma’ Rosa contains scenes that will make you uncomfortable. Sure, may konting idea naman ako bago ako manood nito, at sabi ng MTRCB warning, ang pelikula ay naglalaman ng mga (SPOILER ALERT!) maseselang tema (krimen), lenggwahe (murahan), karahasan (police brutality), seksuwal (chupaan), horror (going to jail) at droga and more more droga (like shabu in fun sachets). But no, MTRCB did not tell me that there will be a scene kung saan mababasa ng tubig-ulan ang bigas. Aaargh!

Ganito kasi yun. Sa umpisa, Ma’ Rosa (Ate Jaclyn) Reyes and her son were doing groceries. Any sane person would know na kung maggogroceries ka at magcocommute ka pauwi, a rainy night is not the best time to do it. But then again, ang theme ng movie ay desperation so I guess yun ang dahilan bakit sila nag-grocery.

So bitbit ang pinamili pauwi sa gitna ng ulan nagtatakbo sina Ma’ Rosa. Ang galing lang nung juxtaposition ng pagkabitbit ni Ma’ Rosa sa groceries amidst the crowd in a depressed suburban area. Sumasalamin talaga siya sa totoong buhay ng mga Pilipino or something. Thank you Lord, nagamit ko na rin ang juxtaposition.

Maisingit ko lang, aside from desperation, another prevailing theme is Filipino culture. And I’m not just talking about the Pinoy’s traits of being happy despite poverty or our resilience through life’s harshest times. I’m talking about that very Filipino trait sa grocery kung saan kapag kulang ang barya, ang isusukli sa iyo ay candy. That is so Filipino. But you know what makes it even more Filipino? Nung inaway ni Ma’ Rosa yung cashier at tinanggihan ang candies!

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more Pinoy than that, after saying “Ang laki ng grocery nyo wala kayong barya” (or something to that effect), wala lang rin syang nagawa kaya kinuha nya na lang yung mga kendi.

But the most Pinoy thing in that scene is… nung kinain nya lang rin yung kendi LOL.

Anyway pagkasilong Ma’ Rosa mula sa ulan, ipinatong nya yung basang groceries sa ibabaw ng bigasan and that’s it. It just ruined the movie for me. Aamagin yung bigas!!! What are you thinking???

That’s just one of the many things that were about to go wrong that fateful night for the Reyes family. Ominous kasi yung isang dumaang truck sa harap nila na may advertisement ng Pepsi at nakalagay ang “Araw mo to!” dahil it turns out, isa nga yun sa araw na hindi nya malilimutan like ever (or in the next few months or so).

Another ominous thing I noticed (which I doubt other watchers noticed because they weren't as serious as I was): noong pauwi sina Ma’ Rosa, may nadaanan silang nagkakantahan sa videoke at ang kanta ay “Laklak ka nang laklak, mukha ka nang parak!” Given the things that were about to happen, this little detail is genius foreshadowing. Yes nagamit ko na rin ang foreshadowing.

Pagpasok ni Ma’ Rosa sa bahay, it was a mess, like the daily ordinary life mess, but somehow bothered sya that one time na hindi marunong maglinis ng bahay ang mga kasama nya. You know when Jaclyn Jose won the Best Actress award and people say it's because her acting was very subtle? I agree. She has a very subtle and gentle way of expressing her disgust sa bahay nilang magulo:

Mga wala kayong pakinabang lahat mga putangina nyo.

Kung kanina nung nawalan ako ng gana dahil sure akong aamagin yung nabasang bigas, sa bitaw ni Ate Jaclyn ng linyang yan, ginanahan akong muli. Sabi na eh, this movie is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Like any Filipino logical thinker, ang unang inasikaso ni Ma’ Rosa sa mga groceries ay ang ice cream, very Pinoy level 80%. Binili nya yung 3-in1 kind dahil birthday bukas ng asawa nyang si Nestor (Kuya Julio Diaz), very Pinoy level 90%. Inutusan nya yung isang batang babae, “Ipaki-ref mo nga ito kila Aling Melba”, very Pinoy 100%.

If you have been following my narrative so far, matapos maggrocery, magtatakbo sa ulan with the groceries, at dumating sa bahay na magulo, nadatnan ni Ma’ Rosa ang asawa nya na, you know, just hanging around and chilling while doing a very casual me time = shabu time.

But no, hindi bothered si Ma’ Rosa doon. Mas bothered pa sya na hindi nakasalansan nang maayos ang paninda nila sa sari-sari store. Typical Nanay.

Maya-maya, dumating ang kanilang shabu delivery guy, si Jomar. Keeping it all casual, like Oh kumusta si kumpare etc eh si kumare etc dinner ka muna sige see you later bye.

Bumili si Ma' Rosa ng ulam, tapos sabi ng tindero, "Kulang ang pera mo…" So sabi nya, "Kuha ka na lang ng yelo sa tindahan." Sumasalamin ito sa katotohanang laganap na ang droga sa ating bayan at pwede mo na itong ipambili ng ulam.

Also, isang kita ko pa lang kay Nestor, parang gusto kong maligo. Yes adik na adik ang itsura nya pero mas naalibadbaran ako na parang nanlilimahid sya that time. Mukha talaga siyang nasa laylayan ng lipunan. Sumasalamin naman ito sa ilan sa aking very close friends.

Di ba indie film ang Ma’ Rosa? And diba most indie films are slow and dragging? Here’s what happened next: may isang binatilyong ang ngalan ay Bong-Bong na nagpupumilit  bumili ng “yelo” (as in “ice” as in shabu) kahit ayaw ni Ma’ Rosa (foreshadowing?) but because of her maternal instincts, binigyan nya pa rin ng shabu si Bong-Bong and in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it sequence, suddenly napaligiran sila ng mga pulis. Inaresto sina Ma' Rosa at Mang Nestor at ang pink cellphone ni Andi Eigenmann. And the movie has officially started.

During the police car ride to the station we see Ma' Rosa contemplating whatever it is that women like her contemplate and then suddenly nandun na sila sa police station, but not through the front desk where regular kriminals like mandurukot and rapists go, but in the VIP lane sa likod ng building where the drug pushers go. Escorted by no less than Mark Anthony Fernandez, Mon Confiado, and his excellency Baron Geisler, they were given the special treatment: pera o kulong.

On a serious note, talagang nakakatakot yung police interrogation scene. You can see Ma' Rosa struggling, torn between getting the fuck out of there and surviving the outside world when they get out, and keeping her and Nestor's answers in sync. Ayaw nilang makulong, pero wala silang P200K na nakatabi somewhere (because surprise! poverty) so binigyan sila ng pangatlong option: name your supplier. Ang tawag dito ay palit-ulo. You can ask your drug pusher friends and they can explain what palit-ulo means.

So pinili nila ang option na pinakamadali: ituro yung dealer nila. Keysa naman mangutang sila ng pera sa kamag-anak, magbenta ng mga gamit o kaya magputa ang anak nila para lang makaipon ng pera right?

Binitag nila ang kanilang supplier, na alaga pala ng isang Major (plot twist wow this is so unthinkable like hinding hindi mangyayari in real life. Buti na lang, may naitabi si Jomar na nasa hundred thousands. After some complicated math, their task was simplified: magbayad ng P50,000 at pwede na silang umuwi at ipagpatuloy ang kanilang buhay.

Habang hinihintay ang pera, nag-inuman kainan, at videoke muna ang mga pulis. Eto na yung "Laklak ka nang laklak, mukha ka nang parak!" Seriously, these cops were scary. They mean business. Literal money-making business. They don't want to waste your time same way that they're not wasting theirs.

So the three children get to work. You know those fairy tales where the king had three sons and each one had to prove himself worthy of the crown? Ganitong ganito yun. Ang kinaiba lang, yung mga anak ay nangutang sa kamag-anak, nagbenta ng gamit and yes, nagputa. Eto ang kanilang fundraising activities.

Eventually, matapos i-shake ang camera habang sinusundang maglakad ang bawat character, ni-reveal sa atin kung bakit nangyari ang lahat: kagagawan ng putanginang si Bong-Bong. Remember, yung mapilit bumili ng shabu? Nahuli rin pala ang kuya nya last week, at para makalaya, kailangan nilang mag-palit-ulo. At ang maswerteng napili nya ay si Ma' Rosa.

Nang makaipon sila ng pera, bumalik sila sa presinto para tubusin ang mga magulang nila. Eh kulang pa sila ng 5K. Ayaw naman pumayag ng mga pulis. Ma' Rosa was like, watch me, gagawa ako ng 5K. At nakakuha sya ng 5K sa tulong ng pinaka-underrated character sa pelikula: Andi's Eigenmann's pink cellphone. In a land where shabu is currency, whoever holds actual money is king and in this case, the king is the Bombay 5-6 guy. Salamat sa Bombay na nagsilbing deus-ex-machina. Thank Lord nagamit ko na rin ang deus-ex-machina.

Aware naman ako sa poverty porn aspect ng mga indie films but what makes this movie uniquely Filipino is that it shows how we Filipinos deal with poverty: lahat de-cellphone, lahat naka-Facebook, lahat nagvi-videoke. We're probably the happiest of the poor.

Isa sa mga bagay na napansin ko ay kung gaano ka-totoo ang pagkaka-portray sa istorya right down to the very details, like the props. Yung notebook ni Mang Nestor? Authentic, it's so intense. Yung pink cellphone ni Andi Eigenmann? On point. Yung basang bigas DAMN ayan naalala ko na naman. In short, pinapakita sa pelikula ang mga maliit na detalye sa totoong buhay na madalas hindi na natin napapansin.

Its dark humor serves the movie well. Dahil basa ang damit ni Mang Nestor, pinagbihis nila. Ang T-shirt na pinasuot sa kanya? Uniporme ng pulis. Kailangang tawagan ni Ma' Rosa yung drug dealer, wala syang load. Yung nasa kalagitnaan ng shock at trauma sa pagkahuli sa kanila, nakapagremark pa si Ma' Rosa kay Nestor ng "Birthday mo pa naman bukas."

Another memorable and undeniably Filipino scene ay noong nangutang si Andi Eigenmann sa tiyahin nyang si Aling Tilde (Maria Isabel "Red Carpet Goddess" Lopez). Mangutang sa kamag-anak, very Pinoy level 80%. Mapagalitan ng tiyahin dahil sa kasalanan ng magulang, very Pinoy level 90%. Matapos bungangaan, pinahiram pa rin ng pera ("Yan isaksak mo sa bunganga ng Nanay mo!" or something suggestive like that), very Pinoy level 100%.

Apart from Allan Paule's blowjob skills, another emotionally sentimental and poignant detail is when the kids went to the police station and what did they bring? Food. Alam nilang gutom na ang mga magulang nila. This is life. This is what really happens. None of those tearful teledrama reunions. Pagkain agad.

To end, when Ma' Rosa stopped for squid balls and totally cried while eating, I understood it. I've been there, done that, literally. Noong college, me and my friend Khikhi, kami ang kilabot ng mga sidewalk tusok-tusok, including isaw, chicken skin and squid balls. At hindi rin kami choosy, where's there tusok-tusok, we're gonna tusok-tusok the shit out of it like we're really trying to have diarrhea. Kumain ng squidballs habang lumuluha? It's so Khikhi.

For a film about poverty, this film is so rich.

By the way, to those who criticise Andi Eigenmann's acting, tignan nyo ito. Hindi ba ito ang mukha ng teenager na inagawan ng cellphone? Andi's acting is just right, leave her alone:

Screencap from the Youtube trailer/clip.

PS habang kumakain si Ma' Rosa ng squid balls, pinagmamasdan nya yung mag-asawang nagliligpit ng paninda sa sidewalk. Tinatapalan nila yung paninda nila ng tarpaulin. Tangina baligtad yung tarpaulin aargh I can't. #triggered

Hindi pala talaga ito feel good movie.

The End.

cheese boi

Saturday morning and I'm on my way home from a long night’s hard work. It’s a cold, dark morning, thanks to the stormy weather. I take a cab with three workmates, and as we speed through EDSA, we catch a glimpse of a naked, dead man lying on the middle of the road, surrounded by cops on the wet pavement. Puta parang may #sinalvage ohmygod!

Seriously, I just wanna go home and watch color TV. A corpse is not part of my weekend plans. But I’m only human, and these things affect me. Ito na ba yung Change is coming?

“Hala #sinalvage yan sure ako!” sabi nung isang officemate kong laging sure sa lahat ng bagay. “Walang naaksidente sa motor na naka-brief lang!” May point siya. Baka tama siya. Baka #sinalvage nga si Koya.

Nowadays it’s so easy to believe anything could happen because of what we see on the news: killings of drug pushers. See if you can hear these headlines in your head:




Parang nauuso na diba? Sana naman hindi tayo masanay sa mga ganitong balita dahil nakakabahala talaga. I don’t know, baka totoong nanlaban nga sila kaya napatay. Nakakalungkot lang marinig paulit-ulit.

“Hala kumustahin kaya natin yung kakilala nating…?”

“Buhay pa yun tangek nagpopost pa sa Instagram.”

“Tsaka yung #sinalvage kanina eh maputi at fit, wala syang flabs.”

“So yung kakilala natin, may flabs?”

“Nakakatakot lang talaga. Hindi talaga ako lalabas ngayong weekend.”

“Parang The Purge!” sabi nung isa ko pang officemate.

“Ang nakakatakot ngayon, kung nasa wrong place at the wrong time ka,” sabi nung officemate kong bading. Parang ang dami namin sa taxi no?

“Kaya ikaw huwag ka na ring labas nang labas, mamaya mapagkamalan kang adik!” suggestion ko lang.

“Mag-eexplain ako sa pulis, ‘HINDI PO AKO ADIK, BAKLA LANG!’” defensive nyang sagot.

Pagbaba ko sa drop-off point ko, sumakay naman ako ng FX. It’s called downgrade. Kapag sa FX, dun ako sumasakay sa likod kasi mas maluwag doon unlike sa harap (lifehack?). Nung binubuksan ko yung pinto ng FX, ayaw agad magbukas. May tao naman sa loob pero di ako tinulungang buksan kaya nakailang pihit pa ako bago bumukas ang pinto. Pagkaupo ko, nagmasid ako agad. Hindi mahirap magmasid kung halos nagakauntugan na ang mga tuhod namin sa sobrang closeness.

Si Koyang nasa loob ng FX na hindi ako pinagbuksan, kumakain ng chichirya. Tangina busy pala ang gums ni Koya kaya hindi ako naaccommodate. At ang aga aga nyang mag-junk food. But what do I care right? Digestive system nya yun, di ko dapat pakialaman.

You know this Sherlock Holmes trick where he takes one look at the person and can deduce a whole lot of facts about the person? I tried it on Koya. Ang kinakain nya ay Oishi Potato Fries, Cheese Flavor. May cheese flavor pala nun? From this I can tell na galing si Koya sa 711 kung saan ako sumakay. Base sa kasalukuyang oras, 6:30AM, at base sa sigasig ni Koya sa pagnguya with cheese bits on his beard, I can tell na wala syang pakialam, he really let himself go. At base sa intensity ng pagsayad ng gums ni Koya sa Potato Fries, I can tell na hindi siya nagmimiryenda, nag-aalmusal siya. Gutom siya.

Personally, I’m not a fan of cheese snacks. It’s one of those chichirya na masarap lang kapag humingi ka pero kapag ikaw ang bumili, biglang may umay factor.

Tuloy-tuloy sa pagnguya si Koya. Big size yung Potato Fries at mukhang kayang-kaya nya yun ubusin. Panay ang dukot nya sa plastic and shen shoving the cheese sticks into his gaping mouth.

So mabalik tayo doon sa #sinalvage. As I was saying, nakakabagabag ito nang bahagya. Sana ay mayroong due process sa lahat ng bagay, kahit sa pagbigay ng hukom sa mga pusher. Sila ay tao rin at Pilipino rin, sila ay mayroon ring karapatang ipagtanggol ang kanilang ohmygod sinusuyod ni Koya yung kailaliman ng plastic. Ubos nya na! Eh ang dami nun. Kinukuha ni Koya yung mga bits na nakasiksik sa corner ng plastic. Gutom siya.

But I digress.

As I was saying, hindi makatarungang basta na lamang paslangin ang mga drug pusher without due process. Haixt. Paano kung napagbintangan lang sila? O kaya, paano kung may kaaway lang sila at pinalalabas na pusher sila? Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana, sa madilim na kalsada, sa pagpatak ng ulan, sa aking paligid, at sa kay Koya ohmygod dinidilaan nya ang mga daliri niya. IN PUBLIC tangina. Gusto ko siyang i-video. Gusto ko siyang tanungin, Yummy? Gusto kong pigilan ang kamay nya at sabihing Tama na yan… magtira ka naman ng dignidad. But no. He licked his fingers one by one. Nilabas ko ang cellphone ko at nagkunwaring nagbabasa ng funny text dahil hindi ko na mapigilang ngumisi. Tapos biglang tinupi nya yung plastic at tinapon sa sahig.

Baboy ang putanginang to. Licking and littering.

So yun nga. Aabangan ko na lang sa news kung ano ang istorya sa lalaking nakabrief na namatay sa EDSA. Isa ba siyang halang ang kaluluwang tulak ng ipinagbabawal na gamot, isang kasangkapan sa pagkasira ng buhay ng iba, o isa rin ba siyang biktima? Biktima ng mundong umiikot sa salapi ng mga ganid at mapagsamantala hala putangina, si Koya sinusungkit ang naiwang cheese sa ilalim ng mga kuko nya, gamit ang pangil nya. Gutom pa sya. Kulang pa. More cheese more fun.

Sana maimbestigahan nang maayos ang kaganapan sa EDSA kanina. Sana lumitaw ang salarin. Sana maging malinis ang katarungan. Kasinglinis ng kuko at daliri ni Koya ngayon. Putangina nya para syang naghugas ng kamay sa bunganga nya. Bumaba na ako ng FX sabay nagtricycle. It’s called downgrade.

So Kids, maging maingat tayong lahat. Here’s some advice: Huwag manlaban sa pulis!

Happy weekend!

the conjuring 2

Based on true events daw so this is 100% real and legit. The Conjuring 2. Featuring the husband and wife tandem of Ed and Lorraine Warren, from The Conjuring 1. I'd like to think they are also in the same universe as Insidious, Annabelle and Saw. It's all James Wan right?

May I just say right now, this film  is dark. And I mean dark as in the MADILIM sense of dark. Ang dilim. Ang dilim talaga. Parang budhi mo jk. Uy joke lang.

Spoilers ahead!

The movie opens with the Warrens investigating their most popular case: the Amityville Horror. Coincidentally, just recently napanood ko ang Amityville Horror (Ryan Reynolds) at The Conjuring 1 so handang-handa ako sa movie na i—HALA PUTANGINA MAY DEMONYONG MADRE!

No amount of watching Marilyn Manson music videos could have prepared me. Natakot ako I almost shit my pants, and I was having diarrhea that day so I was extra careful.

Lorraine did her out-of-body thingie at nag-explore sa loob ng Amytiville house hanggang sa ma-encounter nya yung Madreng demon na mahilig manggulat, at binigyan sya ng vision: yung asawa nyang si Ed ay mamamatay soon. So sabi ni Lorraine sa asawa nya, Itigil na itong raket na ito dahil kung hindi, matitigok ka. Oo ikaw lang, hindi ako kasali.

So they stopped their ghostbusters gig and started doing seminars and interviews where they got accused of fraud (addressing the fact that in reality, the Warrens were indeed accused of fraud).

Meanwhile, miles away, a haunting begins. Doon sa isang bahay na madilim. Isang nanay, apat na anak, tapos ang ilaw nila sa bahay parang dadalawa lang. Mas marami pang tao keysa sa ilaw. And yung mga ilaw na meron sila, wow, parang flashlight na lowbatt, naghihingalo. Parang tig-2 Watts.

Soon enough nagstart na ang pagmumulto sa anak na si Janet. I'm not really sure kung ano ang trigger, because unllike most haunting stories, hindi naman sila bagong lipat doon sa bahay. So what caused the evil spirit to manifest?

In my opinion, dahil umabot na sa critical levels ang dumi ng bahay:

To be fair, this is during the haunting, pero wala naman masyadong difference kahit nung hindi pa sila minumulto.

Yes in addition to being madilim, ang dumi rin ng bahay. Pakiramdam ko naghahalo ang malinis at marumi nilang damit. In my opinion mukhang malagkit yung sahig. Parang puro amag ang mga dingding. Para kang makakakuha ng sakit kapag binuksan mo ang mga cabinets. Yung nanay nilang si Frances O'Connor parang busy sa maraming bagay EXCEPT maglinis. Sabagay, paano nga siya maglilinis kung hindi nya makita yung lilinisin nya? Kasi nga, ang dilim. And parang hindi rin sya naliligo much.

Nagsimula sa nightmares, sleepwalking, banging on walls, the whole is-that-a-ghost-or-just-my-imagination starter kit, naging mas aggressive ang multo, naglilipat ng channel ng TV. Kahit sino naman maiinis. And very insistent yung multo, naninigaw, kanya raw yung bahay. Almost immediately you'll think, Ah previous resident yung multo, it's THAT subtle. Matapos ang mga What's-that-noise-better-investigate scenes, sinasaniban na si Janet, nag-iiba-iba na ang boses nya, nagte-teleport na sya, she defies gravity, the whole possession-by-a-ghost starter kit.

So as the story progresses, may isang tanong sa isip ng lahat: Haunted house, or just dirty house? Ayaw maniwala ng mga tao sa haunting na nagaganap sa bahay. Imahinasyon lang daw. Fraud daw. Woo tae mo Janet. Gusto lang daw nilang lumipat sa bagong government sponsored housing, which I suspect too. At this point, mas madaling lumipat ng bahay keysa maglinis!

Instead of investing in good quality light bulbs, napagdesisyunan nila na humingi ng tulong kina Ed and Lorraine Warren, na hindi na busy kasi wala nang gigs. Si Ed nga, maraming free time, nagpainting. Sa dami ng pwedeng subjects like, I don't know, landscapes or vegetables, ang napili nyang i-paint ay yung putanginang Madreng mahilig manggulat.

One day habang nagbabasa ng Bible si Lorraine at yung anak naman nya ay naggagantsilyo or something, nag-checkout ang kaluluwa ni Lorraine at naglakad lakad sa bahay nila hanggang sa ma-encounter nya yung painting ng putanginang Madre. Hala hinabol sya nung painting! Damn it Ed kung nagpaint ka ng flower vase eh di wala sanang ganyang problema.

"Ed you think that's a good idea?"

"Tangina ka talaga Ed!"

Of course the Warrens go check out the haunted house and the family plagued with the ghost, because they want to help. You know how when people get invited to a house the first time, they usually say "You have a lovely home" or some other default line? Well the Warrens, fraud or not, couldn't lie like that. Ang dumi nga kasi ng bahay, baka pati yung ghost naalibadbaran konting-konti na lang siya na mismo ang magwawalis.

But instead of highlighting the importance of cleaning, nag-experiment sila para malaman kung totoong may sanib si Janet o gawa-gawa nya lang because she's bored. So they tried to conjure the malevolent spirit (yes nagamit ko na ang term na conjure). Hala biglang mahiyain yung ghost. Ayaw nya kasi marami daw tao. I don't know what kind of ghost logic exists, pero diba nga habang mas maraming tao, mas lalo ka dapat mag-show off?

Actually even at this point I'm still not convinced. May mga bata talagang parang may sanib ng demonyo. Kids can be really evil. In fact nung sinaniban ung bata and she screamed at her mom, "Shut up you old cow!" I just rolled my eyes and said to myself, Hayyy kids these days. Typical.

Habang sinusubukang i-exorcise yung bahay nila (please note at this point, wala pa ring nagsuggest na maglinis, and nakapag-install sila ng more than 100 crucifixes pero ni hindi makapagpakabit kahit isang fluorescent lamp) nakituloy muna ang pamilya sa kapitbahay, and even there sinundan sila ng ghost. Wanna know why? Kasi kahit yung bahay ng kapitbahay madilim! Goodness.

Also, this is the reason I don't make friends with neighbors. Kapag minulto sila sa bahay nila, I don't think I can accomodate them.

And just when you think na nakita mo na kung gaano karumi ang bahay, they went to the basement and WOW MAS MARUMI. And may tubig baha pa. So habang inaayos ni Ed yung sirang tubong sanhi ng baha, binabantayan lang siya ni Frances O'Connor. Alam mo yung style niya na kunwari gusto mong tumulong pero ang totoo ayaw mo talagang marumihan? "Uy sure ka ba kaya mo yan? Sige ilawan kita ng flashlight, dito lang ako bantayan kita."

But then biglang nagpakita na naman yung ghost. "Ed there's something behind you!!!" Kung ako kay Frances O'Connor, hindi ko muna sasabihin hangga't hindi nya naayos yung tubo. You wanna get this fixed or what?

Dahil nga mismong si Frances O'Connor eh nandidiri sa sariling bahay nya, ayaw nyang lumusong sa tubig. Well well well napansin yun ng ghost so what did he do?

"Yan maligo ka tangina mo!" -- Ghost

Nilublob ng ghost si Frances O'Connor sa tubig. So ang ending, kahit si Ed ang lumusong sa tubig, si Frances O'Connor ang mas nabasa.

And the best part, kinagat siya ng multo, tapos naiwan ng multo yung pustiso nya MY GOD I wish I was joking but this really happened in the movie, and there's a 50% chance this actually happened in real life. At tangina nung pustiso, parang exam, one seat apart.

Still, even the Warrens were convinced, tae-tae si Janet. It's all smoke and mirrors. So umalis na lang sila. Nung pauwi na sila saka lang nila narealize, yung ghost na nanghahunt sa pamilya is also being haunted by the Madre. Oo yung multo, minumulto. Kaya naiwan ng ghost yung pustiso nya, sa takot sa Madre.

So nafigure out nila na totoo ngang minumulto ang bata, and not only that, nai-connect nila ito sa visions ni Lorraine at sa Madre. Nalaman ni Lorraine na ang pangalan ng demon ay Valak at iyon ang ginamit nya upang icast out ito.

"I condemn you back to hell!"
"OK lang baka mas malinis pa dun!"

This is what you get for decorating your house with a demon's name. Napansin nyo? Nagkalat ang V-A-L-A-K sa bahay ng mga Warren. To the Warrens: malinis nga bahay nyo at maliwanag, nagtatawag naman kayo ng demons. Tapos nagcocollect pa kayo ng ghost memorabilia. You're really asking for it.

Also maidagdag ko lang, hindi adviseable manood ng horror sa sinehan kung matagal nang showing yung movie. Kasi, ang tendency ay konti lang ang nanonood. Actually noong nanood ako, parang wala pang sampu ang tao sa sinehan. May point pa na out of 10, yung apat na magkakasama, sabay-sabay nag-CR. Muntik na akong sumama. Nakakapraning. Kaya nga kapag may naglalakad na usher tinitignan ko kung tao ba talaga siya.

So here's my rating.

"Ang dilim. Ang dumi."

Yes, 5 stars. 5 out of what, you ask? That's for you to decide LOL.

Images from
Screencaps from the Youtube trailer
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