lights out

We all have awful friends. If you don't have an awful friend, ikaw ang awful friend. Ako alam ko, that's ME, kaya ako naa-unfriend in real life. OK lang yan, dahil minsan, some friendships need to be terminated immediately. Which is why I don't get this horror movie, Lights Out, which, after all the shocks and scares, is basically about a girl and her awful friend who's just a bit too clingy.

Lights Out is a movie which exploits our deepest, most basic fears: fear of the dark. So that means this movie doesn't have to try hard. Kailangan lang nilang patay-patayin ang ilaw.

Sidebar: nanood ako nito sa SM North. Napansin ko, sa bandang harap, may mga La-Z-boy, kaya doon ako pumwesto. Huli na nang marealize ko na walang ibang tao doon, nandun lahat sa likod. Puta biglang scary ang paligid. Aalis na sana ako para lumipat rin sa likod kaso biglang pinatay na ang mga ilaw. Hindi na ako nakaalis sa takot. Nagsisi talaga ako.

Spoilers ahead.

Wala pang 2 seconds pagkasimula ng pelikula nag-umpisa na ang pagpatay-patay ng ilaw sa office ng isang lalaki. May misteryosong anino sa hallway na bigla-biglang nanghahabol. Alam nating mamamatay si Kuya kasi sya ang unang hinabol. Di ba kapag nagsimula ang horror movie, yung unang character mamamatay?

Aside from being dead in the next few minutes, he also happens to be one of those people who had a bad case of "lights are flickering, there's a dark spot over there, better call out, HELLO?!?". I don't know where people get this logic. Kung ako ang pinatayan ng ilaw, GOODBYE PUNTA AKO SM NORTH.

Image from mensxp.com

May scary silhouette na "lumilitaw" kapag patay ang ilaw, at kapag, yun nga, in-investigate mo pa, mawawala sya pagsindi mo ng ilaw. So instead of getting the hell out of there, the guy investigates and promptly dies a painful, yet very AH OKEY death. You brought it upon yourself, Kuya. Kung ako may makitang scary silhouette sa bahay, wala nang investigate-investigate, LILIPAT AKO SA PROBINSIYA.

Ang lalaking namatay ay may asawa't anak. Kawawa naman yung anak, si Martin. Yung Tatay nya kasi ang matino nyang parent, yun pa ang namatay. Yung Nanay nya, legit mental hospital crazy. Gusto ng Nanay nya, madilim ang buong paligid, walang maingay, walang tanong-tanong. Hindi umiinom ng medication, check. Erratic behavior, check. May ka-chikahan sa dilim, check.

Nabalitaan ko na nung shinooting ang pelikulang ito, nanghiram sila ng lighting equipment sa Conjuring 2. Kasi ganun rin kadilim.

Nawindang si Martin nung nakita nya yung scary silhouette na nanghahabol kahit hindi naman inaano. Kapag nagsusumbong naman sya sa Nanay nya, ang sabi lang nang Nanay nya ay AH OKEY. Isa lang ang matatakbuhan nya, yung Ate nya.

Image from indianexpress.com

Rebecca, played by a healthier and happier version of Kristen Stewart (Teresa Palmer), moved out of their house the earliest chance she got years ago sapagkat yun nga, nagsasalita mag-isa ang Nanay nila. Dahil sa trauma at insomnia na dinadanas ng kapatid nyang si Martin, kinonfront nya yung Nanay nya to talk some sense into her, like Inay aware ka ba na may gustong pumatay sa amin we need some assitance please look into this? Hindi very helpful yung Nanay so nagdesisyon si Rebecca to take matters into her own hands.

It didn't take long for the evil silhouette na magmanifest muli and this time, hindi na lang sya nagpapakita sa kanila, nananakit na talaga siya. Not very friendly in my opinion, for someone na nakikitira lang sa bahay ng iba.

So far ang kanyang mga kakayahan ay:

1. Ang ability na patay-patayin ang ilaw, pero hindi lahat, selected ilaw lang, yung nakakabit sa kuryente. Kapag de-battery, hindi nya kaya. Ewan basta yun ang rules nya.

2. Kaya nyang mag-lock ng doors. Pero hindi rin lahat. Yung mga napili nya lang i-lock. At eventually nabubuksan rin. Sana mas may pakinabang siya kung kaya nya rin magpatay-sindi ng faucet.

3. Bigla bigla rin syang nanghahablot or nanunulak like what's your fucking problem? How annoying.

4. And lastly, meron syang mahahabang claws. No explanation, just claws. Yung nakaka-impeksyon. Ginagamit nya ito para mag-vandal ng sahig (ini-scratch nya yung name nya, DIANA) at sugatan ang mga tao. I wish I had this ability sa office, may mga gusto akong sugatan sa gums.

Although Rebecca is the most sensible character (compared sa Nanay nya at kay Diana, yeah wala masyadong competition), meron naman siyang very bad case of "someone's attacking us, better split up" na hindi ko rin gets ang logic. Hindi ba sa horror movies, mas mamamatay ka kung mag-isa ka? Well anyway.

Around mga 30 minutes into this movie, nasolve na ang mystery dahil sa... guess what? Pakalat-kalat na telltale medical records and pictures sa desk. All Rebecca needed to do was read and say, AH OKEY, kaya pala may nagmumulto sa amin, naka-explain pala lahat dito, thanks telltale documents and pictures!

Apparently, nagkakilala ang Nanay nya at si Diana sa isang mental hospital at naging magkaibigan sila. Pareho silang patient, pero si Diana ang mas malala. Ang sakit daw nya ay hypersensitivity sa light, pero parang sensitive rin sya sa tubig, sabon at hilod.

Pinag-experimentuhan ng mga doctor si Diana and yun she promptly dies, just to get the party started. From then on dumikit na ang kaluluwa nya sa nag-iisa nyang friend at hindi na sya nakamove on. But why all this hostility Diana? Pwede naman kayong friends, pero hindi mo susugatan yung ibang friends nya is that too much to ask? Your interpersonal skills are questionable here.

So matapos ma-figure out ni Rebecca ang dahilan kung bakit sila pinapatay ni Diana, nag-resume uli ang violence. Habang nagkakahabulan, patayan ng ilaw, hablutan, kalmutan, sigawan, may nakatawag naman sa pulis. Eh di ba sa horror movies, yung first respondents na pulis, mapapatay rin ng ghost! This is how the ghost says, Take me seriously! I'll kill everyone not just this boring family!

Grabe ang violence ng ghost hindi sya mapigilan. How do you expect to live in harmony and camaraderie kung yung isang kasama nyo sa bahay eh papatayan ka ng ilaw tapos itutulak ka sa hagdan? Diana is not an ideal housemate and I'm concerned for the well-being of the other occupants in the house.

But before Diana could learn the error in her ways, nag-decide na yung Nanay na Tama na, enough na ang kakupalan mo Diana. Kung di kita ma-unfriend, magdedeactivate na ako ng account! BANG. And she promptly shoots herself in the head. Tapos ang party.

Sana kanina pa di ba? Anyway.

Tsk tsk Diana. Napundi na lang lahat ng bumbilya sa bahay kakapatay mo. Wala ka namang kwentang housemate.

Alam natin na tapos na ang movie kasi di ba sa horror movies pag patapos na, meron nang ambulance at nakaupo sa likod ng van yung mga bida (with matching blanket around the shoulders)? And so with their parents dead, susubukang mamuhay nina Martin, Rebecca at ang boyfriend ni Rebecca (ah yeah nalimutan kong banggitin may isa pa palang character pero kebs lang dahil isa lang syang AH OKEY character).

My simple rule in life is this: I don't make friends with people creepier than me. Eh yung Nanay parang walang sense of creepy and not creepy. Yung kinaibigan pa talaga eh yung mukhang naglalakad na voodoo doll. Although personally I've met these kinds of people na rin naman, like yung visually marumi and generally mabaho, and some of them eventually become good friends of mine (love you guys). Pero yung nangangalmot? Wrong. Unfriend na kapag ganyan.

My takeaways from this movie:

Try not to drive your friends to kill themselves.
Same thing I said to the Conjuring 2 family:  invest in good quality light bulbs.

Verdict:

Rating: 5 out of 5 lightbulbs, pero walang kuryente. Go figure.

Naku wag nyo nang i-torrent ito... ABA SHEMPRE NAMAN MASAMA ANG MAGTORRENT ILLEGAL KAYA YUN! *Wink*

There goes my take on Lights Out, aka Clingy Lesbian.

3 comments. Post your comment here.:

Bandji Leduna said...

Winner!!!

khantotantra said...

hahhahaha.

solo mo lang talaga yung lazyboy area ng sinehan? yung pinakaharap? ang brave. tas madilim at horror.

Martin Cipriano said...

Nice Glenn! Dahil sa post mo, kuryentehin kita wala ng 5 bulbs 5 bulbs hahaha

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