patay na si hesus

Patay na si Hesus guysttt. Balita ko binash ang movie title sa Facebook sa basis ng... title lang. Blasphemous daw! Sinumbong pa nga kay Digong. Nung una kong nakita ang poster I was like OK here's a Filipino comedy movie that deals with senakulo and stuff which will push the boundaries and will shake the very foundations of Christianity. Buti na lang I used my God-given right to THINK AGAIN and naisip ko Ah baka ibang Hesus to, because as we all know Jesus is a pretty common name, in fact it's the 347th most popular boy name in the US. (I Googled)

Sa office nga namin merong Jesus eh but he spells it as Jess because he's gay (according to him).

SPOILERSTTT mga besssttt.

If I see Jaclyn Jose in another impoverished/drug related role I'm gonna shit, buti na lang ang role nya dito ay isang normal nanay na hiwalay na sa asawa nyang si Hesus, whose role is to be dead. When Jaclyn learns that her estranged husband suddenly died, she had to break the news to their three children and haul their asses from Dumaguete to Cebu (or Cebu to Dumaguete ba yun?) to attend the libing.

Nagdadalawang-isip ang tatlo niyang anak kung dadalo ba sila sa grand finale ng lamay kasi wala naman silang nararamdamang grief para sa yumaong ama, na ang tanging contribution lamang sa kanilang buhay ay sperm. Ang hindi nila alam, ang road trip na ito ay hindi talaga para sa kanilang ama kundi para marediscover nila ang kanilang pamilyang nagsisimula nang magwatak-watak.

Hindi ako magkukwento dahil simple lang naman ang plot: road trip, may challenges, dumating sila sa lamay, umuwi. Ang tunay na strength ng pelikulang ito ay nasa little moments. Yes nakakatawa, lalo na ang mga puki jokes. HELLO THAT IS MY TURF. Nakakatawa ang characters, lalo na yung tiyahin nilang madreng baliw (that holy water scene is the best!). Nais ko lamang idagdag na yung madreng baliw ay nasa pelikulang Zombadings rin bilang baliw na policewoman (sobrang tawang-tawa ako sa kanya dun lalo sa scene na "Shi Mang Berting, pupunta ba sha sa hell?").

Kung weak man ang plot (by the way bakit tayo maghahangad ng komplikadong plot, title nga ang simple at straightforward lang eh like patay na si Hesus say what now) at ang strength ay nasa characters and dialogue, ang tunay na takeaway sa pelikula, para sa akin, ay forgiveness. Sabi? May ganun akong thoughts?

Sa daan nila naencounter ang kanya-kanyang challenges, heartbreak at revelations, but all of it leads to one thing: forgiveness. Bawat character ay sinubok, at bawat isa ay nagpatawad. Hala? Did I just say that? May sanib ba ako?

Also, is there anything Jaclyn Jose can't do? Deliver kung deliver mapa-comedy, light drama, heavy drama, bold (I think nag-bold siya nung 80s o guni-guni ko lang yun?)

Inererekomenda ko ang pelikula na ito na panoorin kapag may patay, during lamay. Para masaya guysssttt!

OK yun lang masasabi ko sa Patay na si Hesussstttt.

Bye?

ang pamilyang hindi lumuluha

Swear, nung una kong nabasa yung title akala ko Ang Pamilyang Hindi Lumuluwa. So swallowers sila ganyan. Lumuluha pala, my bad. Lahat kasi ng makita ko nagagawan ko ng kabastusan. Talent ko na sya. Tapos yung movie still na nakita ko, si Ate Shawie nagbabalat ng onions. So ang hula kong plot nito, walang tear ducts si Ate Shawie and magiging challenge sa kanya ang pag-acting dahil hindi sya pwedeng umiyak to convey emotion ganyan-ganyan. Mali ako uli.

OK seryoso na ako, this is my serious face.

SPOILERS

May empty nest syndrome si Cora (Sharon Cuneta) matapos magsilisan ang mga anak nya na may total of 60 seconds screentime combined, at yun eh matapos pa syang iwan ng asawa nya na may total of 2 seconds screen time. Mag-isa syang namumuhay sa isang bahay na depressing lagi ang atmosphere. Samahan pa ng flashbacks ng kanyang failed career. Sa kanyang pangungulila, naging kakampi nya ang alak. I think half of this film, lasing siya.

Hanggang sa dumating sa buhay nya si Bebang (Moi Bien), isang kasambahay na mas efficient sa pagbitaw ng punchlines keysa sa pagperform ng actual household chores. Sa katagalan naging karamay na rin ni Cora si Bebang sa kanyang pangungulila at naging kasama nya na rin sa inuman.

Naalala ni Cora ang isang kwento sa bayan nila tungkol sa isang pamilya na hindi lumuluha. Literal na hindi sila umiiyak kahit ilang sibuyas ang hiwain sa harap nila. May dalang milagro ang pamilyang ito sa kung sino man ang taong magpapatuloy sa kanilang tahanan. Sa kagustuhan ni Cora na magsibalik ang kanyang pamilya, naniwala sya sa milagrong ito. Sa tulong ni Bebang at ng tiyuhin nya (Nino Muhlach) hinanap nila at binuo ang pamilyang hindi lumuluha.

Right off the bat may napansin na si Cora na kakaiba sa pamilyang ito. Tigtatlong araw sila kung matulog. May mga ritwales silang parang dalawang kandila na lang ang kulang eh Satan party na. Tapos yung anak nilang si Kiko Matos, he seemed up to no good. And soon enough nalaman ni Cora ang lihim na itinatago ng pamilya.

Hindi ko na bubuuin ang kwento para panoorin nyo muna sa commercial run itong Cinemalaya entry na ito, pero magbibigay na ako ng feedback:

I LIKED
Yung supernatural elements! More folklore more fun. My only wish is sana nadagdagan pa ng ganitong dimension yung istorya, tutal doon na rin naman sya nagsimula, para naging mas magical and heartbreaking yung ending. The opening sequence set the tone, pero tingin ko medyo nasubdue sya dahil nanatili sa realistic plane ang kwento.

Yung deadpan ni Bebang! First time kong napanood si Moi Bien and nakakaaliw siya. Hindi naman yata siya umaacting, pakiramdam ko ganun talaga siya, kasi ganun rin sya magsalita nung inintroduce sila ng cast at director sa na-attendan kong block screening. Perfect sa kanya yung role kasi sakto yung delivery nya ng mga linyang sinulat para sa character nya.

Yung maldtia side ni Ate Shawie, na hindi ko madalas mapanood. Yung pagka-campy baliw-baliwan nya. May scene na naulinigan niya si Bebang na nagsusumbong sa nanay nya tungkol sa amo nya, pero imbes na magalit, sumenyas lang sya ng gunshot. Shoutout ba to sa bashers? LOL. Sana, minaximum nila yung kabaliwan, tutal nandun na rin naman siya. Yung no explanations, baliw lang talaga. Riot yun. For some reason, yung character ni Cora made me think of Meryl Streep sa Death Becomes Her or Eugene Domingo sa Zombadings.

Yung tanong na naiwan sa isip ko: may lugar ba ang mga alamat, kwentong bayan, myth, sabi-sabi, etc sa modern times? Sa panahon ngayon, mali ba ang sumugal sa superstition? I need answers kasi I'm about to check with an albularyo soon, pakiramdam ko may nagpapakulam sa akin kaya ako nagka-pimples (no joke, post soon).

I DIDN'T LIKE
Nakakabitin. Pakiramdam ko, may mga tinanggal na parte ng kwento kaya bigla itong natapos. Siguro mas naging kumpleto sya kung naextend pa ng konti yung ending.

Sudden shift ng emosyon. Kung tama ang suspetsa ko na may mga nawawalang parte ng kwento, ito ang magpapaliwanag kung bakit biglang bumaligtad ang mundo ni Cora sa final revelation.

Swift resolution. Sa huling eksena nasolusyunan lahat ng problema ni Cora. Hindi ko tuloy sigurado kung gawa ba ito ng milagro or hindi naman nya talaga ito problema in the first place. I think it might also work kung hindi sya happy ending. I think fans are ready for sad endings.

Siguro naging mas makulay ang kwento kung nagkaroon ng journey sina Cora at Bebang para hanapin ang pamilyang hindi lumuluha imbes na ipahanap kay Nino Muhlach. Or what if baligtad ang characters nila, si Bebang ang amo at si Cora ang kasambahay? Pwede diba?

To sum it all up, maganda at masaya ang pelikula ngunit hindi perpekto. Maraming posibilidad na hindi na naisakatuparan. Siguro kung naging mas tight ang kwento, mas mairerekomenda ko ito hindi lang sa lahat fans ni Sharon Cuneta kundi para sa masa.

kita kita

Napanood ko ang trailer months ago at kahit ayokong ngumiti hindi ko napigil. Arte lang. Hindi kasi talaga ako mahilig sa love story. I'd really rather watch serial killers skinning people alive than be confronted with my own emotions (sabe?) Pero dahil natuwa ako sa napakasimpleng trailer I said, It's a Yes from me.


Ang istorya ay tungkol kay Lea at Tonyo, na sumasalamin sa istorya ng napakaraming "mismatch" couples na nakikita natin sa Facebook. Alam mo yun? Yung mga mapapaisip ka, Wow love is blind talaga. Ang ganda ni Ate mukhang dyosa tapos si Kuya, mukhang mabait. True love bes. Walang halong pretensions. Walang alarm walang anything.

SPOILERS BEGIN HERE!

Tour guide si Lea sa Japan. Proposal na lang ang hinihintay niya sa boyfriend nyang Hapon nang makatanggap sya ng isang anonymous tip at natimbog nya ang Hapon na nakikipagtukaan sa iba. Sa sobrang stress nya, nabulag sya. I don't know if this really happens in real life, kaya iiwas na lang ako sa stress kasi greatest fear ko ang blindness, next to erectile dysfunction.

So nag-aadjust si Lea sa buhay bulag. And then Tonyo enters the picture. Bagong kapitbahay sya at madalas nyang pagmasdan si Lea na nakasimangot sa garden nya. Araw-araw nyang dinadalhan ng pagkain si Lea kahit sinusungitan siya. Hanggang sa nahulog na ang loob ni Lea sa kanya. Siguro it helps na bulag sya? Is this the point of the story?

So they got closer, pasyal-pasyal sila sa Japan (both of them jobless by the way so I'm not sure where the unlimited funds are coming from, ito ang concern ko talaga). Muling nahanap ni Lea ang saya niya, so nawala ang stress nya. As a result, bumalik ang paningin nya. Sakto naman right that very moment, the first thing she sees is Tonyo... na nasagasaan ng ten-wheeler truck or something.

OK so he died. Tragic diba.

And then here we go sa second half ng pelikula, ang point of view ni Tonyo. Tulad ni Lea, brokenhearted rin sya at ang lupasay moments nya ay humantong na sa homeless person levels. Personally, ikinakatakot ko itong mangyari sa akin. Paano kung di ko namamalayan palaboy na pala ako sa kalye dahil lang sa pag-ibig? Ang baho ko na nun, baka ang maging movie ko ay Amoy Kita.

Nakakatawa right... until it happens to you.

Matagal na palang inii-stalk ni Tonyo si Lea. Siya yung anonymous whistleblower sa extra-curricular actvities ng boyfriend ni Lea na Hapon. Siya yung nakasama ni Lea na naglasing in a banana costume (ang saging ay sumasagisag sa... saging I guess). At siya yung homeless person na binibigyan ni Lea palagi ng food. And all this exposition via a conveniently placed love letter.

Hala tulo ang luha ni Lea oh. Di ako naiyak I swear to God hindi talaga yuck ha. Sus. Wala, hindi talaga Bimb. Fuck you.

Ang ending, binalikan ni Lea lahat ng lugar na pinasyalan nila. Somehow hindi nya makita ang ganda nila, until she puts on a blindfold, at doon nya naramdaman ang presence ni Tonyo. Then we all realize, minsan nasa harap na natin hindi natin pinapansin. Kapag hindi natin nakikita, saka natin nararamdaman. Sabeee.

Liked:

All the subdued pastel colors - para kang nanonood ng isang mahabang Instagram video na may faded filter.

Lea's character - masusubaybayan mo kung paano siya na-develop kay Tonyo.

Alessandra de Rossi - she's infectious. Just when you thought nakita mo na lahat ng pwede nyang i-offer and she's a bit old for the role, here she is looking all cute. You just can't help but smile when she laughs (candidly I assume) sa mga ad-lib jokes ni Empoy

Empoy - surprisingly likeable. OK lang sa akin yung humor nya on TV, which he somehow brought to this movie at an acceptable level. You can almost always tell when he's ad-libbing. I think the strength of this acting is his gameness to play this "ugly guy" role. He really embraced it pero hindi naging degrading sa kanyang pagkatao. Nabanggit ko nga you can almost see in him yung mga guys sa Facebook na binabash dahil napakaganda ng kanilang GF - mga members ng www.gayuma.com

Simple Plot - nothing unncessary was added onto it. Not even yung sister ni Lea, na magpahanggang sa huli ay nanatiling boses lamang sa phone. Walang extra people and extra storylines. Next to Tonyo and Lea, ang major character na siguro eh yung bartender.

Satisfying ending - since inevitably tragic ang kanilang love story, at least nagkaroon si Lea ng quiet moments sa pagbabalik nya sa mga lugar na pinasyalan nila to reminisce, and we the audience are given some time to take it all in as well.

Didn't like:

Yung Count-to-ten! I agree na kapag galit ka, bumilang ka hanggang sampu bago magsalita para mapag-isipan mo ang mga sasabihin mo at hindi ka makasakit ng kapwa (I agree but I don't do it especially since ang goal ko ay masaktan si kapwa). Ngunit hindi ako agree dun sa actual na pagbibilang with meaning attributed sa bawat number, like "Anim - anim na beses kong pinigil ang ihi ko noong gabing yun dahil ayaw kong mawala ka sa paningin ko kahit sandali" something like that. It's too... I don't know... it's the stuff of high school love letters. I should know kasi nagawa ko rin yang kalandiang love letter na yan noon. Sampu - sampung beses akong nag-cringe.

Two Less Lonely People In The World - for a movie whose strength is its subtletly, biglang full blast ang awiting ito. Not for me I guess. Pero hindi naman nakasira. Nag-stick out lang.

Tonyo's character - although I'm not sure kung ilang percent si Tonyo and ilang percent si Empoy - it feels like they built the character just for him - nakakaaliw si Tonyo dahil sa pagka-Empoy nya. Puta, first time pa lang ipakita si Tonyo si screen, wala pang linya, lumingon pa lang, nagtawanan na ang mga tao eh.

My problem is, you'll have to think, patulan kaya ni Lea si Tonyo kung hindi sya nabulag? Did he take advantage of her blindness? Is this tantamount to emotional rape?

Things happen just like that - sa bilis at simple ng plot, may mga bagay na nangyayari na lang basta-basta, nothing is explained. Nabulag si Lea. Nasagasaan si Tonyo, (which by the way felt too contrived for me - iniwan nya si Lea - si Lea na bulag - mag-isa sa sidewalk, may binili sya sa kabilang side ng kalsada, tapos nung patawid na sya pabalik kay Lea, saka sya nasagasaan - sana hindi nya na iniwan si Lea para di na nya kailangang tumawid pabalik right?) But what do I know though. I'm just a viewer.

Honestly nagustuhan ko itong movie. LOVED. IT. BES. Huli kong naramdaman ang ganitong pagkagusto noong napanood ko yung movie na may Arrow with a vagina pierced through it or something. Mas gusto ko ito.

Thanks Kids bye see you next post ko next quarter.

wonder woman

Hindi ako masyadong mahilig sa superhero movies (except X-Men, because X-Men). Nakatulugan ko sa sinehan sina Batman, Iron Man, Captain America, at yung pagsasanib-pwersa nila ng mga Avengers. Pati nga si Logan, nakatu-Logan ko rin. Hindi dahil sadyang komportable ako sa sinehan. Kapag lumipas na ang intrigue at puro na lang sabugan at hampasan ng mukha, nakakatulog na ako around 2/3 ng pelikula.

Iba itong Wonder Woman - nakatulog ako sa bandang 3/4.

Spoilers ahead. Nga pala HINDI ITO MOVIE REVIEW!

Namulat si Diana (played by Gal Gadot) sa kwento ng Nanay nya na siya ay hinugis lamang sa putik at binigyang buhay ng hininga ni Zeus. Nakatira sila sa isang lihim na isla na puro mga Amazona lamang ang nakatira - no boys allowed.

Pinili nilang manirahan sa islang ito dahil nag-away away ang mga Gods sa simula. Ngunit matapos ang ilang negosasyon, ito'y matapos na mag-disperse sila, pagkatapos nito, ah, hindi na sila nag-away, nag-away sila sa simula, pagkatapos nito'y nagkaroon na sila ng, ah, pag-aaway na sa simula (channeling my Michael Fajatin storytelling skills here).

Basta yan na yung back story. Sabi ng Nanay ni Diana, Hindi ka pwedeng mag-training as a fighter, I forbid it! Ang pagkaka-intindi yata ni Diana sa salitang "forbid" ay "encourage" dahil kung ano ang finorbid ng Nanay nya ay siya namang ginawa nya. Samakatwid, nagkaroon ng isang training montage to illustrate na nag-training siya sa simula, pagkatapos nito'y nagkaroon na sila ng, ah, pag-training na sa simula.

Gustong-gusto ni Diana na magtraining bilang mandirigmang Amazona dahil 1) Wala naman syang ibang career choice sa isla nila and 2) yung kwento ng Nanay nya about Ares, the God of War, na isang threat sa kanilang isla, ay tunay na inspiring. Ramdam ni Diana na dapat nyang puksain si Ares.

Sabi rin ng Nanay ni Diana huwag na huwag nyang gagalawin ang "God Killer", ang tanging espada na makakapuksa sa kaaway nilang God of War na si Ares. Hindi raw para sa kanya yun para pakialaman pa.

One day may nag-crash na eroplano mala-Lost (yung TV series) at niligtas ni Diana yung piloto. Matapos ang konting pag-aaway nga sa simula (SHET DI KO NA MAALIS SI MICHAEL FAJATIN) nalaman nila sa pilotong yun kung ano ang tunay na nagyayari sa outside world: the war. Not just a war, but the war to end all wars. Merong konting war nga sa simula.

Sure na sure si Diana, kagagawan ni Ares ang gyerang ito, at kailangan nyang sumama sa pilotong si Steve (played by Chris Hemsworth Evans Pratt Pine) pabalik sa outside world para tapusin ang gyera. Pero bago ang lahat, sinilipan muna ni Diana si Steve, bale first time nyang makakita ng etits.

Sabi ng Nanay ni Diana, "Nope not gonna happen I forbid it" so syempre alam na, yun mismo ang ginawa ni Diana. At yung kabilin-bilinan nyang "God Killer" na sword na huwag papakialaman? Yun lang ang binitbit ni Diana.

So what follows are "fish out of water" scenes kung saan nanibago si Diana sa mundo ng mga normal na tao at chinallenge nya ang existing norms and fashion choices and you get the drill. Before you know it, papunta na sila sa war!

May nadaanan silang mga war victims doon tapos may tinatawag na No Man's Land kasi walang makatawid doon sa area na yun dahil bantay sarado yun ng mga Germans, so kahit gustuhin nilang iligtas ang mga civilians doon, hindi nila magawa. Sabi ni Steve kay Diana, You can' go there, I forbid it.

"Watch me whip" sabi ni Wonder Woman sabay labas ng latigo.

So yun lakad sya sa putikan pero hindi sya napuputikan. Samantalang ang mga hamak na tagalupa sumakay lang sa MRT sandali, paglabas ng tren hulas hulas na. Si Wonder Woman, hindi pumapangit. Parang kahit subukan nyang pumangit hindi nya kaya.

Konting effort lang ubos na ni Wonder Woman yung mga kalaban. Dito yung part na medyo nilalabanan ko na ang antok. Syempre biglang magkakaroon ng party, at kahit inaasikaso nila yung gyera, kailangan pa rin nilang umattend. Dito nakilala ni Diana yung isang high ranking sundalo at malakas ang kutob nya na yun si Ares, God of War, who is trying to sow ill will and discord among people.

So may habulan bugbugan and female empowerment. Lilipad sa ere ang sipa ni Wonder Woman sabay zoom in sa eyes, tapos slow-mo, tapos may sasapakin sya tapos zoom-in sa lips, tapos hair flip. Tapos kapag patay na yung kalaban, strike a pose.

Then na-corner na ni Diana yung sundalo tapos sinaksak nya tapos strike a pose, tapos wala naman nangyari, may gyera pa rin at kasamaan sa mundo?

Ito yung huling naaalala ko. Nung nagising ako, patay na si Steve!

And then nalaman ni Diana na yung isa palang sundalo rin na tumutulong sa kanila, siya pala talaga si Ares, God of War. At yung "God Killer" na espadang pinagmamalaki ni Diana, dinurog lang ni Ares in seconds, diretso sa junkshop. It's obvious, ang God Killer ay si Diana, dahil anak sya ni Zeus!

"Wait so you mean yung sabi ng Nanay ko na nag-blow si Zeus sa putik at nabuhay ako, hindi totoo?"

"Nag-blow si Zeus pero hindi sa putik wink-wink."

Tapos ayun na labanan na sila ng liwanag. Eto yung part ng movie na mga energies in the form of light na lang ang naglalaban tapos may sasabog na something. In this case, ang nakapagpasabog kay Ares, God of War, ay ang April Boy Regino pose ni Wonder Woman.


Sana kanina mo pa yan ginawa!

So napatay na nya si Ares, tapos strike a pose, tapos wala naman nangyari, may gyera pa rin at kasamaan sa mundo? Pagkatapos nito'y nagkaroon na sila ng, ah, pag-aaway na sa simula. THE END.

Sabi nga ni Wonder Woman,

"It's not about deserve, it's something else but not deserve."



Wala lang. Bye.

bliss

We all know what happens with hype: a product gets too much attention (good or bad, it doesn’t really matter), our interest is piqued and we all want a piece of that product, and then the hype dies down and we all suddenly hate the product.


Bliss went through this little lifecycle. One day everybody wanted it, everybody gave the MTRCB flak for marking it with an X rating and essentially banning it from cinemas, everybody wanted for it to be shown. Now those who have seen it seem to regret seeing it, they hate it so much, they want their money back. Is hating Bliss the new hype?

If all that X-rating and intense publicity did not happen and we just watched Bliss like we would any other movie, will we still hate it so much? Is it really THAT bad?

I like Bliss. I’m not about to defend it, but here’s what I want to say: I like it as a Pinoy movie, it’s a well-thought-out story, excellently acted and smartly executed. I think it still needs improvements as a thriller. I have some ideas on how it could have been scarier, but that's just my opinion. How good and how bad Bliss is depends on what you compare it to. If you stick with recent local movies, it definitely shines. If you compare it with Korean or Hollywood thrillers, it’s a little too ambitious. But it’s an overall nice attempt, better than what we’re used to seeing.

I get why people don’t like it: it leaves an overall feeling of “That’s it???” But if you know what to look for, it’s actually almost like a little Easter egg hunt. So what do we look for? We'll look for recurring themes.

Spoilers follow.

Bliss is about a burnt out movie star, Jane, who takes on a big project which is seemingly about her life. While filming, she suffers an accident and wakes up in a lonely house, with just her husband and am abusive nurse present. She feels trapped and as days go by, she notices that the same day repeats over and over again, with just a few variations. Eventually she realizes she is stuck in a nightmare, a phobia she has had since childhood. Eventually she wakes up to a nurse raping her unconscious body.

Very simple plot right? Now let’s take a deeper look and see just how much effort they put into that simple plot. These are the reasons why I appreciate Bliss:

Bliss pays homage to Misery (being held hostage by a nurse) and maybe even Inception (being stuck in a dream state), with both movies specifically mentioned. But beyond that I think there are other movies it pays respects to, like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (the lead character’s name is Jane, and she moves around in a wheelchair – at one point she contemplates going down the stairs in her wheelchair, a major scene in the older movie). I also see elements from Kill Bill, where the comatose Bride is molested by a medical staff and she wakes up at that pivotal moment, At one point Jane wears a bridal gown, and later on, in a violent bloodshed she kills the nurse, again reminiscent of Kill Bill's blood fiesta.  But that just might be me stretching it out.

There are many recurring elements in Bliss which allude to being stuck in a dream. The dilemma is that Jane realizes she is dreaming the same day over and over again, a perpetual loop of events that she can’t seem to escape from. This circular process is visible in clues – little "circles" - peppered throughout the film:
  • The trailer actually said "Time is a circle".
  • The talent agency where Jane auditioned as a child is called “Circuit”.
  • Jane’s hit song includes the lyrics “Ikot nang ikot nang ikot”.
  • Every time Jane wakes up, the first thing she sees is a smoke detector mounted on the ceiling, a circular object.
  • A perpetual motion paperweight in the director’s office also appears in Jane’s dream, its metal loops endlessly turning.
  • The books in Jane’s room include one entitled “Loops”.
Now going beyond the physical/visual circles, Rose Madlangbayan, the rapist nurse, was herself sexually abused as a child – this cycle of abuse is in itself a circle.

A fellow movie enthusiast observed that the movie did not seem to care about twists – there were no attempts to hide Jane’s dream state. It becomes obvious early on. And I agree:
  • The first time Jane wakes up to have breakfast, she can’t taste her coffee - in our dreams our senses don't always work properly - an early indication that something is off. Later on, she stabs her own leg with a knife and doesn’t feel the pain.
  • One of the books on Jane’s shelf is entitled “Prison Dream”.
  • Aside from Jane discussing her phobia of being trapped in a dream, a “brain expert” guy discusses dreams in a documentary.
  • Jane’s co-star tells her that she needs a totem so she can differentiate her reality from her dreams.
  • Jane supposedly wakes up in a quiet house to recover, but her mother, husband and director keep showing up at a hospital - this disconnect is a big clue.
The above observations seem to answer people who see the movie as predictable: there was no concealment to begin with.

Jane’s dream environment is built around her memories and is affected by external stimulus that her comatose body picks up:
  • The house where Jane wakes up to recover is where they shot her film.
  • Aside from the perpetual motion paperweight, Jane in the dream also drinks from the same coffee mug seen in her director’s office before she had her accident.
  • In her dream state, Jane smells something burning, which turns out to be her director’s cigarette smoke when he visits her in the hospital.
  • She also keeps smelling lotion – turns out her nurse uses the same lotion when she violates her comatose body.
  • The conversations she has with the people in her dream are one way (her mom and her director just keep on talking and do not respond to her statements) – because they are actually just talking to her unconscious body, and as she hears their voices her mind works it into her dream.
  • The sprinklers turn on in her dream – in reality it’s raining outside.
  • In the dream, Jane starts to float from her bed – in real life she is having an orgasm.
Another probable theme, which was observed by a fellow cinephile (thanks Sir) is bad mothers:
  • Jane’s mother is greedy and selfish and doesn’t really care about Jane, she only cares about her earnings.
  • Rose’s mother becomes physically violent when she fails her audtion.
  • A neighbor, a supposed maternal figure, swoops in and sexually abuses Rose.
  • Emma, Jane’s PA whom her husbad got pregnant, wants an abortion (I don’t condemn abortion, it’s her choice, but if the only reason she wants an abortion is because her boyfriend will "kill" her, that’s just shallow and irresponsible).
I’m echoing a note made by another reviewer: the whole theme might be an awakening – a sexual one. While Jane is a straight female, she is unable to achieve orgasm with a man, she needs to touch herself. However, the final scene shows Jane waking up from an orgasm brought about by another woman, Rose.

I also like how the dream version of Rose, Lilibeth, is always shown carrying a vase of dead flowers – could this be an allusion to her attraction to Jane’s dead (comatose) flower? The final scene, where Jane catches Rose eating her out, is cut before Jane could react. Does Jane reject Rose? Or does she embrace the new dimension to her sexuality?

Bliss is self-aware (and not blissfully ignorant) of itself, and blatantly so:
  • The movie director, Lexter, has high ambitions of getting into Cannes and snobs the Metro Manila Film Fest - they probably already know how the movie will be received locally?
  • Jane says she needs to get a trophy after the movie is done – and she does so in real life.
  • The Assistant Director, after getting verbally abused by the director, puts into words what everyone probably thinks – “Akala naman niya, tatanggapin sa Cannes itong kabaduyan niya.”
So many lines from the film seem to anticipate audience reaction:
  • The director, frustrated with the pace of his workers, keeps screaming “This is a nightmare!”
  • Jane, realizing she’s trapped, whispers “Puta, eto na naman,” and later on screams “Palabasin nyo ako dito!”
  • The director is being mean to his Assistant Director. Out of the blue he says “Gerry, ‘disappointment’ is an overrated word for you” to which he answes, without missing a beat, “Thank you Direk.”
The running gags in the movie are also a nice touch. The Director’s assistant just can’t seem to get his beverages right. She served cold coffee and got a tongue-lashing. Then she served warm juice and got dismissed. Finally she is seen, in a split-second shot, spitting into the director’s drink. It happened so quickly, now I’m not really sure if it really happened.

For me, the best clue to this movie’s self-awareness is demonstrated with Jane’s story about her childhood nightmare: her mother holds a box and tells her it’s empty, but Jane is obsessed by the idea of opening it. She searches for the key, and in her frustration, stabs her mother with it. When she gets to open the box, it is empty, just as her mother said.

The moviemakers did not promise us anything. Even as the story unfolds, they did not give us any indication that there's something more for us. They basically told us the box is empty. As moviegoers, we looked out for twists, assigned meaning to events, searched for a deeper experience. As the credits roll we ask, “Yun na yun???”

Because the box is empty, just like they said.

Thanks to the peopleI I watched the film with and discussed with. Dami kong na-pick-up!
Poster image from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6608136/

thirty

Hey Kids. I'm turning 30 tonight. I know it's no big deal if you're still in your twenties or if you're way past 30, but if you're 29 and on the verge of reaching the "line of threes" then you can't help but feel like you're reaching a milestone, you're just not exactly sure what.

At this point I feel like I'm about to turn over a new leaf, but don't we all get this feeling on our birthdays? You suddenly become conscious that with every millisecond you're both the youngest you'll ever be and the oldest you've ever been. You can almost envision your atomic particles reassembling themselves (I have no scientific reference on this) to create a new you every second. A birthday highlights it, with cakes and greetings and a new number to assign as your age for the next 365 days.

My point though is: I don't feel like 30, if there's feeling associated with being 30. Sure I don't have the same stamina, will to live, and metabolism I used to have in my twenties but I still have the same view of the world: I think it kind of hates me, so I hate it back. I still feel like my old adolescent self.

The other day my mother asked me when I plan to get married. I said Whaaat, NOPE. Not in my early thirties.

You expect a guy who keeps dirty dishes in the fridge because he doesn't want to deal with them yet to get married? You think I can be responsible for another human being? I can't even properly clean my bathroom, I just douse every surface with muriatic acid until all I see is white. I can cook, if you want to eat cancer. I simply can't deal with children (eww), and even more so, another adult, 24 hours a day for the rest of my life. I would really rather worry about the skin behind my ears exfoliating because I think it starts to smell like cheese. My biggest anxiety about my father is if he's losing his hair because I'm scared I might inherit male pattern baldness and I kinda like my hair.

I think my mother thinks that the fact I've been taking care of my monthly bills is a semblance of being a responsible adult. Mother, for days now I've been contemplating buying an extra battery and spare charger for my phone just because I don't like that my phone gets hot when I use it while charging, and after that I want to buy an entirely different phone. I am not the reponsible adult you think I am.

She asked, Who's going to take care of you when you grow old? (If I grow old right?)

I said, You!

She said, Not me!

I said, Then no one.

She won't let it rest, so we settled with one of my little nieces, she'll take care of me when I'm old(er). She doesn't know yet.

It's a too distant future and I don't want to think about it. My stand on it will either remain or change in the coming years. But today, *unpopular opinion* I kinda.... hate kids? Why should I get married and have kids (or have kids and get married) just because my peers are all doing it? I have no intentions of adding to the population. Why should I have kids just to have someone take care of me when I start shitting my pants? This is not a reason to have kids. Maybe in my mother's generation, but not in my generation. Nowadays, you have kids so you have something new to post on Instagram.

Speaking of things that remain and things that change, I think, like everyone, I'm still in the process of getting to know myself, who I really am, and it's a long process of separating the things that make up who I used to be from the things that make up who I am now and will be in the future. The things that used to define me, like my corrupted loyalty to my friends, my corny self-destructive, self-pitying phases and half-assed attempts to be relevant have all been pushed aside. What remains is my dysfunctional relationship with the handful of people I love, my desperate artwork and this dying blog.

To add to my list of future failures I recently took up scriptwriting. I still haven't gone past my synopsis because right now it has more loopholes than I have pimple scars, but it's slowly developing into a story I could be probably proud of in the future. Or not. I think it's the fact that I even managed to string words coherently is the point of pride here.

And then there are my obsessions, which end almost as soon as I develop them. Let's not get in there. it's ugly.

So these are what make me ME right now. I'm a 30-year old man-child who shuns responsibility and dreads social interactions outside Facebook, who would rather think about life than have an actual one.

When I was around 25, 26, with pride I told people I am not a good person, I will fuck you up, etc etc, but deep inside I like to think I'm actually a good guy. I have a good heart, I just don't like showing it to everyone. I will fuck you up but just for laughs.

Now, as I turn thirty there's no point in fooling myself and others. I have ACTUALLY wished ill on some people. I have cut people off from my life with little to no remorse. I'm hateful of so many things, now it's just a matter of deciding which one I hate more. I got invited to a wedding and sometimes I wish the bride and groom would just break up so I won't have to attend. I might actually be a bad person.

And that's okay. I don't have to be good for other people.

I've come to accept that life is unfair, that most people are actually self-serving individuals that will screw you over for profit, and that the few actually decent people are busy or dead. My friends have disappeared into that hole called "new family", or have been sucked into their flourishing careers in "Programming" or "Baking" or "Competitive Fisting" if that's a even a thing, while the highest point of my day is when I lie on my bed and twist my body so that the bones in my spine crack because it feels great.

And that's okay. I don't have to be successful for other people.

Now there's just a few people in the world I love and I think that's better. I feel like I'm able to love them so much because there's just a few of them, my love is concentrated and not spread out so thin by having to love many people.

And that's okay. I don't have to love and be loved by other people.

So at this point, what did I learn? I learned that I never learn. I just keep repeating the same series of mistakes. Maybe this whole point of view is a mistake.

And that's okay.

I'm embracing my flaws, something I should have done when I was 20, when I was 16, when I was 7, when my insecurities gave me a severe case of inferiority complex, which turned into a paralyzing fear of being judged by people, which then turned into a nagging need to try to please others. I'm done with worrying what I can't be, what my peers assume I'll be, what my folks hope for me to be. As my atoms rearrange, I just want to be.

Kebs.

gustilo designs

Okay Kids ang daming nangyari sa akin lately, hindi ko alam kung ano uunahin, kaya ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng moment magkwento. Mas madalas pa ko magbayad ng domain keysa magpost! Susubukan ko talaga magpost nang mas madalas. For now, meron akong balita.

So last December nagkaroon kami ng chance ni Mudrax na pag-usapan ang pangarap naming business: dress shop. Ilang taon na rin namin itong pinag-iisipan pero hindi matuloy-tuloy, hanggang sa isang araw parang nag-align lahat ng maswerteng bituin. Nakakita kami ng magandang location, nakapagplano ng target market, nakapaghanda ng konting capital.

So noong February 1, 2017, ganap na nagbukas ang aming munting dress shop:


Ansabe ng pink poster? Gawa ko yan. (Sideline: kung gusto mo magpagawa for your business, wedding, or personal kaartehan needs, contact me! Kailangan ko ng pera)

Mayroon na kaming dress shop noon pang bata ako. "Doris Dress Shop" nga yun eh. Kumusta mga ka-DDS? Pananahi talaga ang kabuhayan ni Mudrax ever since. Kaya bata pa ako, sanay na ako na napapaligiran ng retaso at sinulid. Ako pa ang nauutusang magdeliver ng mga pinatahi sa mga bahay nila. Going the extra mile ganyan.

Tapos si Khikhi at yung kapatid nya, laging tambay sa shop namin. Yung kapatid nyang si Bunie, Grade 2 pa lang nagpapatahi na kay Mudrax ng wedding gown. As in. Tuwing makikita nya si Mudrax, sisigaw agad sya ng "Mare!!! Yung wedding gown ko ha??? Promise????" at sasagot naman si Mudrax ng "Oo Mare pramis!" Hanggang nung mag-college si Bunie, kapag nagkakasalubong sila ni Mudrax sa Baguio, yan pa rin ang sinasabi nya.

Ngayon after more than 20 years nagbabalik ang dress shop ng kahapon. Sa unang buwan namin in business meron nang mga nagpatahi. Bawat dress or gown na mayari, isinusot namin sa mannequin, tapos kukunan ko ng picture, tapos aayusin ko sa Photoshop, tapos ipopost ko sa aming Facebook page na ako ang nag-mamanage, tapos ipopost ko pa sa Instagram na ako rin ang nag-aasikaso, at kapag may nag-inquire online, ako rin ang sasagot. Ang dami kong ginagawa, do I have to do all the work here???

Joke lang. Wala pa sa 1% ang mga ginagawa ko sa level ng trabahong ginagawa ni Mudrax. Umagang Kay Ganda pa lang, gising na sya at nagkakape. Maliligo na sya, at pagtapos nun, magmula sa Magandang Buhay hanggang sa Ang Probinsiyano, busy na sya sa dress shop.


You would think na nauubos ang oras nya sa pagtabas at pagtahi ng gown, sa pag-isip ng design, o sa solusyon kung paano pagkakasyahin ang tela sa XXXL na katawan. But no. Alam nyo kung ano ang tunay na nakakaubos ng oras nya?

*Knock*knock
Mudrax: Pasok po kayo Ma'am.
Ma'am: Nananahi po kayo?
Mudrax: *Excited* Opo, gown po ba? Dress? Costume?
Ma'am: Magpapaputol po sana ng shorts. Makukuha ba agad? Pwedeng hintayin? Magkano? P50? wala nang bawas?
Mudrax:
Me:
Shorts:

Sa point of view nating mga customers, paputol lang naman diba? Madali lang yun! But no. Una, hahanapan mo ng sinulid na match sa tela. Tapos ilo-load mo yung sinulid sa makina, hindi lang doon sa taas kundi pati sa ilalim, so itratransfer mo yung sinulid sa bobbin. Tapos gugupitin mo na yung tela, dapat pantay na pantay. Tapos tatahiin mo na, dapat diretso rin. Mahaba lang talaga ang pasensya ni Mudrax sa mga pa-repair kasi sila yung mga customers na sooner or later eh babalik para magpatahi talaga ng damit, at mag-iimbita pa ng iba.

Yung iba nga pasaway talaga eh. Kakatok tapos mag-iinquire... kung pwede silang makahingi ng perdible??? Or worse siguro yung isang kumatok at nanghingi ng sinulid... Sige na lang. Baka sa susunod, customers na rin sila.

Ang lakas pa naman ng hatak ng repeat customers at word of mouth doon sa aming neighborhood. Halimbawa yung isang Tyang nagpatahi ng bed sheet (na pinagawang shorts ang natirang tela), bumalik para magpagawa ng sofa cover (at shorts uli ang natirang tela, ewan ko ba, gusto ata nyang mag-camouflage sa paligid nya, gusto nya terno lahat). Maya-maya may dumarating na mga fellow-tyang ni Tyang at nag-iinquire na rin. Tingin ko gusto nila magpagawa ng matching outfits para sa kanilang daily chikahan get-together #squadgoals

Minarket ko na rin sa office namin ang aming business. As in nagdala ako ng mga tela at sinukatan ang mga nagpatahi. Eto ang mga pinagawa ng mga officemates ko. Hindi ko sure kung saan nila balak gamitin, basta gusto nila:




Pero ang pinakanakulit na customers? Mga bata. Kapag may nakita silang dress sa mannequin, hindi na sila mapipigil. Yung iba nagwawala.

In fact, tatlong bata na ang nagtantrum dahil sa Anna costume na ito:


Ang ipinagpapasalamat ko ngayon ay patuloy ang pagdating ng mga customers at mga nag-iinquire sa Facebook. Kahit nagtatanong lang at hindi pa nagpapatahi, malugod namin silang ina-accomodate. So far after 2 months masasabi kong maganda ang takbo ng shop and we're staying positive na sana maging successful ito.

Nakikita ko na sa mga susunod na buwan, magiging mas busy pa si Mudrax, lalo pa at may nakausap na syang magpapatahi ng isang buong wedding entourage. Guess who? Si Bunie, yung kapatid ni Khikhi. Ikakasal na siya next year, at tototohanin ni Mudrax ang pangako nya kay Bunie noong Grade 2 pa sya.

So eto Kids, for your dress and costume needs:

Contact us via:
Facebook Message: Gustilo Designs
Phone: +639568899382
Email: gustilodesigns@gmail.com

Or visit us at:
44 Champaca Street
Unit 8115 Spazio Bernardo Condominium

Sauyo Quezon City


beauty and the beast

Beauty and the Beast is a live-action remake of the 1991 animated classic, featuring a beautiful girl Belle (played by Emma Watson) who breaks a lifelong curse by falling in love with the Beast (played by Meryl Streep). For a movie that banked on nostalgia and generally good feelings, Beauty and the Beast did fairly well. It’s hard to succeed with a story familiar to everyone because there’s no room for shocking twists and puzzling mysteries. Everybody knows how it goes, we all recognize the iconic characters (even that talking teapot), and everybody knows the song. Beauty and the Beast is probably the only Celine Dion song everyone knows. For sure it’s the only Peabo Bryson song I know. Still, the movie was a success. OK now I’m done with the “review” part. It’s time to roast this bitch!!!1111



♬ Tale as old as time...

... and as worn out as clichés. OR ~WHAT IF~ this story is so original that it gave birth to what we now refer to as cliché? Let’s see.

First and foremost, the arrogant Prince holds a massive party at the castle where he meets a hooded old woman begging for shelter. We should all know by now that if you cross a bitch wearing a hood, disaster will follow. And so, the non-partygoer and basic-looking woman reveals herself to be some fairy and proceeded to fuck. shit. up. Not only does she curse the Prince into a hideous beast, she turns the palace dwellers into talking, self-aware, and sexually repressed furniture. The castle closes down and everyone forgets about the whole scandal. The curse will only be lifted by the only thing that can lift curses in all fairy tales: true love what else.

Across town is where Belle lives. She is beautiful, smart, kind and of course, virginal. “There must be more than this provincial life” she sings. Of course there’s more, because you’re pretty! Beauty opens doors. No one ugly allowed.

And there’s Gaston, the local fuccboi, with his loyal fluffer LeFou. Yes this movie is about a dysfunctional romantic relationship, but not between Beauty and the Beast, but Gaston and LeFou.

Belle’s loving father does what loving fathers do in ALL fairy tales. Your choices are A) Get sick B) Die C) Get hostaged. In this case it’s C. He wanders into the Beast’s castle and picks a rose, which angers the Beast. For someone with a ginormous castle, royal blood and uber-wealthy status, he gets bitchy when people steal from his garden. Typical old money. So he imprisons Belle’s father and she has to save him! Belle follows to the castle and encounters the Beast, a monster! OMG Of course she hates him at first, because he is really really annoying.

“A life sentence for a single rose?”
“Girl don’t talk to me about life sentences” referring to his face.
“Sry.”

She takes her father’s place as the Beast’s prisoner. We’re using the term ‘prisoner’ very loosely here. In our world, you HAVE TO PAY to be able to live in a castle. I’ll have to take a government loan, work until my dying day, sell my soul to the devil or sell my kidneys on eBay, whichever transaction is faster. So yes, Belle is a “prisoner” in a castle where she lives rent-free, surrounded by thousands of books and ABSOLUTELY ZERO people (I like that). She doesn’t even have to cook because the castle dwellers got her covered.

“You can talk???” Belle asks the candelabra. Well, not only that, they can put on a solid production number.

♬ Be our prisoner guest, be our prisoner guest.

Sausage Party ruined this musical number for me. Imagine these household objects making out with each other. Or worse, what if the Beast has actually used them for his own pleasure? All that time alone with not much to do leads to a lot of experimentation. Proof: the Beast is very close to the candelabra. You don’t want to find out where those three candles have been...

And that teapot too. As the age-old saying goes, “Everything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.”

Belle’s father asks Gaston for help, but he is too busy with himself. In a town where everyone wants you or wants to be you, you will always be busy. His “bestfriend” Le Fou sings him a tribute:

♬ No one fights like Gaston
No one hits like Gaston
No one spits like Gaston
No one shoots, like Gaston,
All over my face please Gaston--

As expected, Belle LOVES it in the castle. At first she tries to escape and had every chance to but no. The Beast is actually gentle. And kind. She learns more about him, how intelligent he is (they’ve read the same books, how cool is that!) and he ~TOTALLY~ gets her. And he proobably still has lots of money somewhere.

♬ Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you are rich--

As for the Beast, he is actually starting to have some warm feelings in his black heart. If he falls in love and she loves him back, the curse is lifted. Good thing she’s super pretty and he’s filthy rich so it’s a match. Tale as old as time right?

This is the part where they start to fall in love, which is funny because, come to think of it, they’re barely even friends then somebody bends unexpectedly. Of course the house furniture are all rooting for this new love team. Somewhere in the castle, the toilet seat, the one who wants to be returned to human form most badly, is very hopeful.

♬ Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As bestiality

Now it is revealed that not only can Belle live rent-free with servants at her beck and call and with a lover Beast that she can mostly tolerate better than Gaston, there’s actually a means for them to teleport. And not only that, there’s also a CCTV mirror where you can watch ANYONE in the world... at all times... no matter what they are doing... Fuck the castle and the library, I want this mirror. This is like Google Earth but sexier more useful.

Belle looks at the mirror and sees her father about to get fucked up by the township. Ugh, she needs to save him, again! She just put on this crazy yellow gown and now she has to get him out of trouble. How inconvenient.

“Guys don’t kill my father please I’m serious.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No there’s really a beast, here look in the mirror!”
“OK then let’s kill that beast!”

“Bitch this is not why I gave you the mirror!” Understandably the Beast loses his shit when Gaston shows up wanting to kill him. A battle between the townsfolk and the castle objects ensues. The Beast gets into beast-mode and Gaston shoots him but also he falls from the rooftop and is killed instead. No one gets killed like Gaston.

Meanwhile LeFou finds another man, now all they need is that candelabra and they’re all set.

Beast dies. But the fairy shows up and reverses the curse and then I don’t know, she leaves again to fuck up someone else’s life? The beast changes back into his human form. At this point your heart is filled with such joy that when they start dancing at the ball you just have to sing along.

♬ Tale as old as time
Tune as old as
Stockholm syndrome

This movie game me feelings. It showed a world where Belle, a human, learned to coexist with Beast, a mutant. Mutant, and proud!

SCENE AFTER CREDITS: Belle and the Prince are dancing and she whispers,

“Please please please tell me you kept your beast dick--” THE END

Photo credit: http://movies.disney.co.uk/beauty-and-the-beast-2017

taxi story: pokpok

Isang gabi sumakay ako ng taxi. Medyo kakaiba itong experience ko na ito and medyo buwis buhay so listen up you're gonna shit. Umpisa pa lang ng byahe nakapansin na ako ng kakaiba kay Kuya, pero kadalasan naman ang mga kakaibang bagay, hindi na natin iniisip much. Pagtapos ng lahat ng kaganapan, kapag nireview mo na ang buong kwento, saka mo lang maiisip na Oo nga no? It all adds up.

Pagpara ko sa taxi at pag-upo:

"Kuya. Trinoma po."

"Saan yun?"

Hala si Kuya. Inisip ko na lang na baka hindi talaga siya masyadong nagagawi sa Quezon City kaya hindi nya alam kung nasaan ang Trinoma.

"Diretso lang po."

Kasalukuyang tumutugtog sa radyo ang awiting I'm Yours ni Jason Mraz na parang hindi naman nagustuhan ni Kuya (Sorry Mister A-Z) kaya nagsalang siya ng CD. Oo CD, uso pa rin yun ngayon. At ang tugtugang gusto ni Kuya ay...

Bakit ang sabi mo, binata ka?
Walang sabit at malaya pa?

Well anyway, who am I to judge ang mga ganitong music choices, ako na nagpapatugtog ng mga morally questionable songs tulad ng My Pussy Belongs To Daddy. Pero hindi pa naman ako humantong sa pagpapa-burn ng CD ng Bakit Ang Sabi Mo Binata Ka?

Alam nyo yung tinatawag na ice breaker? Opening statements para mawala ang awkwardness, to "break the ice" ganyan.

"Ang kukulit nung naisakay kong pokpok kanina" ang ice breaker ni Kuya. Hindi ko napigil ang tawa ko. Siguro kung nakapustiso ako, nahulog na. Nag-elaborate naman si Kuya.

"Sabi nila, sa *** (business name ng isang night club) lang sila, eh wala namang ganun sa Mindanao Ave, sa Quirino Highway meron nun!

Isip-isip ko, tado ka, kabisado mo ang beerhouse, hindi mo alam kung nasaan ang Trinoma! Pero tumatawa pa rin ako sa ice breaker nya, lalo pa at itinuloy nya ang kwento.

"Sabi ko nga, Ang gaganda nyo, papalapa lang kayo sa mga lasing doon? Oo Sir ang gaganda nung dalawa, ang babata pa siguro dise-siete lang."

Tahimik lang ako.

"Sinagot ba naman ako ng Magsalsal ka na lang para wala kang problema!"

Puta yung tawa ko wagas.

"Tanginang mga pokpok. Tangina talaga yang mga pokpok na yan. May pumara sa akin minsan, akala ko pasahero. Pagkaupo, ang sabi agad, Alam mo, hiwalay na ako sa asawa. Pwede mo gawin lahat ng gusto mo.

"Ano po ang sinagot nyo?"

"Baba!"

Kunwari nagkakamot ako ng tenga at pasimpleng tinignan ang itsura ni Kuya. Mukha syang komedyante. Patuloy pa rin si Kuya sa pagkwento nya sa mga naisakay nyang pokpok. Naisip ko, pokpok kaya talaga sila? O assumption nya lang? Minsan kasi mahirap masabi eh.

Aaminin ko (alam ko marami magagalit sa akin) minsan, napag-iisipan kong professional sex officer ang isang girl na nakakasabay ko sa jeep kapag 1) Luwa ang cleavage hanggang pusod 2) iba ang kulay ng mukha sa leeg 3) Iba ang kulay ng leeg sa dibdib 4) bumaba sa Makati Ave. Sorry na. I promise hindi ko na uulitin ang ganitong sexist na thinking.

But come to think of it, ano naman ang masama kung mapagkamalang pokpok? As far as I know isa itong marangal na hanapbuhay. But anyway, natigil saglit sa pagkwento si Kuya.

"Diretso ba tayo? Diyan yung Trinoma?"

"Opo, pagtawid nyo ng North Avenue Trinoma na yun."

"Panggabi ka?"

"Opo."

"Ano trabaho mo?"

Sasagot pa lang sana ako nang biglang hinulaan ni Kuya ang trabaho ko.

"Security guard?"

Puta laglag ang imaginary pustiso ko sa sahig. #Polident

Hindi naman ako physically fit para maging gwardiya. Pero madalas nga ako mapagkamalan for someone na hindi naman ako. Like nung minsang ang aga-aga ko sa Starbucks para magkape, kabubukas pa lang ng store. Paglapit ko sa cashier, sabi sa akin, "Applicant?"

Or yung one time nasa Penshoppe ako tapos may nag-aabot sa akin ng Tshirt at nagpapahanap ng medium. Madalas rin akong biktima ng assumptions.

Sasakyan ko sana yung hula ni Kuya just to see kung mapapaniwala ko sya na guard nga ako, kasi nakakaflatter naman, ngunit biglang--

"AY PUTANGINA KA TARANTADO KA GAGU KA!" sigaw ni Kuya sa isa pang taxi na biglang kumaliwa sa harap namin at muntik na talagang mabangga.

Pinulot ko ang nagkalat na imaginary pustiso ko sa sahig sa lakas ng preno ni Kuya.

"Malas talaga itong byahe ko ngayong araw na ito. Yan muntikan na mabangga. Pangalawa na yan. May nabundol na akong single kanina."

OK...

"Nahuli na nga ako dalawang beses kanina."

"Bakit ho?"

"Ewan ko, sobrang init, nawawala na ako sa katinuan."

Buti na lang Trinoma na. Binigay ko na yung bayad ko at hindi na hiningi ang sukli.

"Magingat po kayo Kuya."

Aabangan ko siya sa news.
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